Christmas with the Millers & Other Wee John fics
by Kyizi
Summary: New Chapter, Not a Creature was Stirring: It's wee!John's first christmas on Atlantis and Rodney almost kind of...forgot...
1. Christmas With the Millers

**Christmas with the Millers**

**By Kyizi**

**Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

**Rating:** PG

**Characters:** Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard, Jeannie & the Millers, SG1

**Spoilers:** A few minor ones for S3

**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes:** OMG, wee!John ate my brain! That's the only explanation for the fact that I cannot stop wanting to write him! I totally blame this on Loriel Eris, as she continued to enable this 'verse. It's all her fault!

**Summary: **_It's at times like this when Rodney can't help his rising hopes that, one day, he might get the real thing back._

This 'verse started with Five Ancient Devices Rodney McKay Wishes He'd Never Discovered (number three) and continues in Just an Ordinary Day. These can be found on my Profile page under the title 5 Ancient Devices Rodney Wishes He'd Never Found (because only allows titles of a certain length!).

-x-x-x-x-x-

Rodney McKay has always hated holidays. They're useless celebrations, constantly used as an excuse for his staff to slack off. And he's always expected to be cheerful (or at least to allow it in other people). Rodney doesn't do cheerful. It isn't in his nature and he hadn't ever appreciated the constant reminder that he had never had anyone to share said holidays with.

Things have changed since he arrived on Atlantis, not at first, but slowly and over time things had settled into a familiar pattern. He had friends at first, and that made holidays slightly easier to bear, and then friends became family...and he finds that he really doesn't mind so much at all. Not that his staff see any benefit to the change, but Rodney dreads holidays a lot less.

Or he had.

"Calm down before you make yourself sick!" The madness stops suddenly and John's wide eyes stare up at him, watering slightly. "No. Stop it. You're not allowed to cry. You just ate and running is only going to make you sick and I am not going to be the one cleaning it up again. Okay?"

"Okay, Wodney. I'll play nice." The boy nods and goes to sit on the chair in one corner of the room, pulling the book Lorne had given him for his fourth birthday and reading to himself, his small mouth chewing around the words in whispers.

Letting out a long-suffering sigh, Rodney turns back to his case, checking to make sure that Teyla has packed all of John's things correctly and making sure there's still room on top for his (second) laptop. The Athosian really hadn't appreciated having his half full duffel bag thrust at her with the command to 'pack what the terror needs for Christmas', but a quick apology, a serving of Athosian tea and John's puppy dog eyes had helped Rodney's case. He's had a lot to do and he hadn't felt comfortable at the thought of roaming around Teyla's rooms for John's clothing and the few toys he's accumulated since being, well, kidified. Teyla's room feels like yet another home he isn't part of.

It's more than enough to make him wish that John lived in his quarters all the time. But it had been decided, quite quickly, that for John to have a normal routine, he had to have a set bedtime. Whilst Rodney had been more than willing to sacrifice his working habits to take care of the boy, but Elizabeth had made an 'executive decision' that it wasn't practical for him to always be unavailable at night. Instead, he and Teyla had John on time-share, as if they were divorced parents. Rodney hated it, but he couldn't exactly argue with it, because Elizabeth had stuck her neck out to stop the SGC from sending John back to Earth.

"Wodney?" John says, shaking the man from his reverie. "A' we going to visit Jeannie and Kabe and Maddie?"

"Yes." Rodney frowns at the small noise John makes in return, but says nothing more when the boy remains quiet. He's just zipping up his bag (having sacrificed his second laptop) when there's a child standing_right next _to him and he almost dies of surprise.

"Oh my God! Don't be so...quiet!" he snaps and John blinks, nods and then returns to looking at him innocently."Wodney?" "What?" He tries not to sound irritated and fails miserably.

"Will Kabe make us eat mush'oom food 'gain?"

Rodney smirks (his heart rate almost returning to normal) and doesn't correct John's second failed attempt at his brother-in-law's name. He wishes Jeannie hadn't put her foot down when John had first called her husband 'Kabe Man'. That had amused Rodney endlessly, still did in fact…and perhaps that was why his sister _had_ put her foot down. "We'll speak to Jeannie and see what we can do."

"Good. That stuff was yucky."

"Yes, it was. Now go..."

"I know, go be quiet."

John's huff is almost as insulting as the fact that the boy is rolling his eyes in a manner far too old for him. It's at times like this when Rodney can't help his rising hopes that, one day, he might get the real thing back.

-x-x-x-x-x-

John loves SG1. Adores them to the point that Rodney knows he will never live it down when he's returned to normal. Because _Colonel_ John Sheppard really hadn't liked them that much at all. Watching as John runs full pelt down the ramp and into Vala Mal Doran's open arms, it's clear to everyone that John _really_ loves SG1. It's something that kind of annoys Rodney, to say the least. More than that is the fact that, although his small team mate adores Samantha Carter, he won't allow Rodney to get anywhere near the newly appointed full bird Colonel.

Rodney reaches the bottom of the ramp as John crows delightedly at being turned upside down by the woman in question and, yes, it's worse than being on Atlantis, because everyone still coos and fusses over the boy and treats him like he's _actually_ four. Which, Rodney supposes, he actually is, but don't they care that he's likely to _remember_ this when he's back to normal? Don't they care that Sheppard will be horrified beyond belief by this behaviour? And, no, Rodney's not at_all_ jealous because John never greets _him_ with that much glee. Although, if Sam hadn't explained to him that kids that age almost always got overexcited to see people they hadn't seen in a while, Rodney might be pretty put out by the whole thing. He knows that, when they go back to Atlantis, John will be so overjoyed to see everyone that he might make himself sick. Not that Rodney knows what it's like to be on the receiving end of that adoration; he chooses to believe that it's because John barely let Rodney out of his sight and if that _isn't_ the case, then Rodney really doesn't want to know.

As Sam finally puts John on his feet, he greets the general with a perfect salute that's met with so many _aw_w's that Rodney rolls his eyes. John's the SGCs little angel and he bitterly assumes that they all prefer him like this, because, even if he's still causing trouble, it's not quite the same degree of trouble…well, if you ignore that _one_ time. Rodney usually does, because he's pretty sure John scared so many years off his life that he lost _more_ hair. Which isn't something he needed help with.

Perhaps more surprising than anything, however, is the adoration John bestows on Teal'c — or Teek!, as John squeals delightedly on spotting the former first prime. Rodney can't explain it, neither can anyone else, and it's actually quite unsettling. No, that's not exactly what it is, but it's something.

Jackson, at least, doesn't seem to know how to act in front of John. Although Rodney supposes it may have something to do with the fact that Vala constantly points out that, 'wouldn't it be nice if they had one they could keep for themselves' whenever John's around. He can understand the resulting hesitance. No, he doesn't mind it with Jackson so much.

And then there's Mitchell.

He still has vivid memories of the day Colonel Mitchell first met the miniature John Sheppard. Whilst Rodney had always had issues with making friends as a child (telling people they're stupid never goes across well at_any_ age), John has no such problems. It had taken all of five seconds for them to become best buddies and Rodney had spent most of the evening scowling in his lab, until John had appeared from nowhere, crawled into his lap and promptly fallen asleep.

It had taken Rodney a few minutes to realise that he was being observed. Cameron Mitchell had been leaning against the doorway, his hands in his pockets and a wide grin on his face that not even Rodney could take as anything other than friendly.

Cam had continued to grin and drawled, "He's a great kid… and, man, that's just_weird_."

Rodney remembers being instantly pissed off and not knowing exactly why. "Oh, yes, this must be so weird for _you_!"

"You don't find it weird that that's Shep?"

"We're at war with Space Vamipres," Rodney had muttered sarcastically, as if _that_ made everything about the situation normal. When Mitchell had started to nod in understanding, he'd looked at the man incredulously. "Of_course_ I find it weird."

After that, it was almost as if they'd come to some kind of understanding. Were he anyone else, Rodney might even say they'd bonded. But, of course, they hadn't.

It had almost felt like a betrayal at first; when John would team up with Mitchell to tease him, because, young or not, the fact that he'd all but been_attacked_ by the man with a _lemon,_ courtesy of Colonel John Sheppard, still smarts. It isn't that John has never apologised (well, as much as a wince, a sheepish grin and a shrug convey an apology – and Rodney _hates_ that, for John, they _do_) for the incident, just that it took the younger version of the man to explain that he only teases because Rodney's his 'most fave'wit pe'wson in the _whole_ univewse' and he's 'only playing'. Rodney would wish that John displayed his feelings in the normal manner, but he's not sure he could handle that at all.

It takes them fifteen minutes to get out of the control room, by which time Rodney's cursing the genealogy of the whole of SG1, as well as Siler's, Walter's, Dr Lee's and the General's. He's angry that his best friend has become a spectator sport and more angry that his best friend is nearly five years old and completely incapable of realising just what's going on.

Dodging the rest of the SGC isn't easy and, in fact, doesn't work at all, but after they're both checked out by Dr. Lam (an insult to Carson, Rodney continues to point out throughout the entire exam: "You_really_ think Carson would have allowed us to go through the 'Gate if we were_carrying something_?"), they make a break for the exit. Sam's waiting in her car to drive them to the airport and they get in quickly and without fuss, for which Rodney's eternally grateful.

It's almost as if Sam can sense he's at breaking point, because she doesn't speak to him. The journey is filled with the sound of the woman he used to fancy himself in love with trying to talk his best friend, who's currently a child, out of a jealous huff because Rodney's finally sitting next to her in a car. It's all so messed up that Rodney doesn't know whether he wants to laugh or cry. Unfortunately for him, it doesn't really matter, because they're heading to his sister's. He knows the worst is yet to come.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Whilst the flight had been stressful to the extreme, Rodney had to admit that it had been less than a disaster. But only because they hadn't crashed. Rodney's got used to flying over the years. He even finds that he doesn't mind being inside the Puddle Jumpers and, although he'll never admit it to Sheppard, he finds it relaxing at times. Flying through the air in a commercial plane next to a hyperactive four year old, however, has to be one of the most taxing experiences one can ever experience and Rodney knows he's a far cry from being a patient man.

They collect their bags, with Rodney having finally put John on his shoulders, because (back problems aside) it's likely the only way he'll be able to keep an eye on the boy and stop him from throwing himself off something dangerously high. He hadn't known that Sheppard's death wish was something that transcended age, but the last time they'd travelled to visit Jeannie and her family John had disappeared and Rodney had been frantic. He'd been found about an hour later doing tricks on the conveyor belt at the baggage reclaim for a flight from London and Rodney had almost had to beat a tall, blonde, Scottish woman to death with his hand luggage to get the boy back. It isn't an event he's keen to experience again.

"A' we dere yet?"

"Does this look like Jeannie's house?" Rodney asks irritably, ignoring the shocked look his tone receives from the mother next to him, whose brats he'd had to listen to fighting for the entire flight.

"Nope."

"Then there's your answer."

"Wodney?"

"What?" Rodney places their bags onto the trolley he managed to procure (one of the few wonders of having a small child as a bargaining chip – he also has to admit that being given priority boarding is another plus).

"When we getting Kissmass pesents fo' Lizbet and Teya and Sam and Teek and Jeannie and-?"

"If this litany is going to contain everyone you know, stop now, I get the point. We can do some online shopping from Jeannie's computer, we should be able to get it all delivered before we need to be back home."

"Nope!" John bounces on his shoulders and giggles.

Rodney hissed and glares. Removing the boy from his perch, he frowns. "What do you mean, no? You'll do as I say, young man."

John just raises an eyebrow. "Wodney, dat never wo'ks."

Rodney sighs. "I know, but it's worth a try."

"Lizbet says you got to take me shopping in a mall and you have to buy me pesents."

"Well, Elizabeth's not here, so-"

"Pease?" John pleads, wide-eyed.

"Oh, no, don't do th- fine! But we're only going once, we're going when I say we're going and you will be on your best behaviour, do I make myself clear?"

"As mud!" John crows, delighted with himself and Rodney groans, but can't help smiling.

"I see you've got him under control, Mer."

They both turn at the voice and John squeals and throws himself at Jeannie. His sister scoops John up and hugs him tightly, listening to the boy talking a mile a minute about so many things that are _not_ for public consumption. At his wide-eyed look, however, Jeannie just shrugs and mouths, 'who's going to believe him, anyway' and Rodney concedes the point. Most kids that age (from what he's heard) believe in the fantastical. If he's honest with himself, Rodney can think of a few wonders he'd believed in his own childhood. They hadn't lasted long and Rodney doesn't like to think about it.

"Where's Madison?" he asks, changing his internal subject and interrupting John's animated retelling of the last time they had to hide Atlantis from a passing Wraith cruiser. Rodney remembers less gunfire and fewer bad guys. In fact, they'd had no contact and the cruiser had gone on, none the wiser, but he learned early on to let John have his way in that respect. Besides, he has to admit that some of the devices John comes up with to get them out of their bad situations are pretty cool, especially in place of whatever actually happened.

"She's at her ballet lesson," Jeannie says, pulling him into a quick hug, in which John decides to get in on the action, given that he's still in Jeannie's arms. "Kaleb's gone to collect her; they'll pick up some pizza on the way home."

"Pizza!" John almost screams and they wince, but can't help smiling at him. "We don't get pizza in 'Lantis."

"I know," Jeannie says with a smile and it's only the fact that the indulgent look on her face is one Rodney's seen her give grown up Sheppard that makes him not care.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"No."

"Yes!"

"No, put it back!"

"Wodney! I wan' it!"

Rodney takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and counts to ten, before reaching down and plucking the offending item from John's hands and putting it so high on the shelf that the boy can't reach it. He tries not to kill the little brat when John just pulls another one off the shelf from where he got the first one.

"John Sheppard, you put that back this instant."

"No!"

"Fine, but I don't know who you expect to pay for it, because it won't be me."

"Stop being mean!"

"I am not being mean, I am telling you that it is almost Christmas and you will be getting enough junk to haul all the way back to At- home and _this_," he plucks the other one from John's grasp, "will not be one of them!"

John's lower lip quivers. Then his eyes start to water. His little hands curl into fists at his side and his chin drops to his chest.

Rodney gets all of two seconds warning before he feels his heart break and he curses everything in the _entire universe_ for the fact that one crying four year old can reduce him to doing_anything_ to make it _stop_.

"I really hate malls."

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Is that what I think it is?" Jeannie asks, her mouth wavering in a manner that tells Rodney she's trying very hard not to laugh her ass off at him.

"Not a word."

"No, really, Mer, is that wh-"

"What part of 'not a word' are you having difficulty understanding?"

"I think it's cute," she says and Rodney's glare intensifies.

"Okay, so maybe if it hadn't been the purple one with the handbag, but-"

"Jeannie." He likes to think he's perfected his 'I'm ready to kill you now' voice since his first trip through the Stargate, but it has no effect on his sister whatsoever.

"Well," she says, grinning at him. "It certainly answers a few questions."

Rodney tries very hard to knock the door off its hinges when he slams it behind him.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Wodney! Wake up! It's Kissmass!!!!

"Wake up, Uncle Mer, it's Christmas!!!"

"Oh, my God," Rodney groans, letting out an undignified squawk as two small children decide he's a trampoline. "Okay, okay, I'm up! I will also be _broken_ in less than five seconds if you don't stop jumping!"

"Sowy, Wodney."

"Sorry, Uncle Mer."

The two not-quite-repentant voices make him groan again and he reaches out to flip on the lamp by his bed. Suddenly the main light in the room is_blinding_ him and he curses, causing disbelieving giggled from the pair of miscreants still perched on his aching legs.

"Merry Christmas, Mer. Watch your language in front of the kids, please."

"Yes, Merry Christmas, Jeannie. Thank you for blinding me. If this is what I can expect from today's 'gifts' I'll go back to sleep, thanks."

"Meredith!" Jeannie's laughing and it's been so long since he's _really_ heard the sound that it startles him. He looks at her, standing in his doorway in her dressing gown, Kaleb behind her, and she's grinning at him with so much affection that he suddenly _misses_her. Misses having her in his life so much that he actually feels the ache in his chest. Or possibly that's the small, bony elbow that just winded him.

"Be careful!" he wheezes, shifting an unrepentant Madison off his chest. She giggles and John frown-glares at her, almost as if he's not sure how to react.

"A' you hu'ted, Wodney?" he asks in a small voice.

"I could use a new lung, but I'll be fine," Rodney gripes. John still looks unsure until Kaleb coughs.

"I think your Uncle Meredith is waiting for an apology, Maddie."

Rodney half-glares at the man. He knew that it was silly to expect his brother-in-law to call him 'Rodney', but it wasn't like he hadn't asked. Repeatedly. His reaction, however, is missed, because he's suddenly being smothered by a dressing gown as his niece throws her arms around his neck, choking him as she apologises. "Sorry, Uncle Meredith."

"Mewdif!" John cries with a giggle and decides he wants a hug, too.

Well, Rodney can think of worse ways to spend Christmas morning.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jeannie's standing at the sink when he finally finds her. Her back is to him, so she doesn't know he's there and he takes the opportunity to watch her. He's regretted their estrangement since his self-righteous anger dissipated, an event that came far quicker than he suspects Jeannie realises, but it wasn't until he saw her in her own home, relaxed and singing Christmas carols with Maddie, John and Kaleb that he truly understood her decision.

She isn't his mother and, whilst he's always known that, it's nice to see that her life, her marriage and her children, are turning out so much better than their own family life had been. Because he doesn't think he could have handled her being miserable.

"Are you going to stand there all night?"

He frowns and then catches her gaze in the pale reflection in the window. She must have been watching him watch her.

"Sorry," he mumbles, stepping into the kitchen. Her surprised and wry smile tells him that she's commenting on his apology without saying a word. He rolls his eyes and picks up a dish towel, helping her dry off the glasses and put them away.

Dinner had been an adventure to say the least. With Kaleb's parents and his and Jeannie's mother in the same room, it had been set to be an unmitigated disaster. His mother's first words (on seeing John),_"Who let you procreate?"_, had been followed by an angry tirade about being kept out of her own 'grandson's' life and her last (on her first taste of the dinner Jeannie and Kaleb had been preparing for hours) , _"What on Earth is this awful concoction made from?"_, had been when Jeannie had asked her to leave. Both he and Jeannie had been on edge, gritting their teeth and biting their tongues the entire time. Which had upset John and Maddie.

The uncomfortable silence following his mother's departure, in which Kaleb's parents had looked ready to flee, had been saved when John declared, "this tastes yucky, I fought we wew getting no mush'oom stuff, Wodney," and the ice had been broken by laughter and Jeannie's indulgent smile when she realised that she'd served him the wrong food and Madison was enjoying the turkey Rodney had bought. After that, he'd discovered that Christmas with family wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"So," Jeannie says, pulling him back to the present, and he can tell that she's waiting for him to say whatever he came to say. He's not sure he has the right words yet, so he remains silent. She seems to understand, in that way that only Jeannie ever could, and they continue to empty the dishwasher in silence, the only sounds around them the squeals of delight from the back yard, where Kaleb, John and Madison (having seen off Kaleb's parents) are playing in the snow.

"You really miss him, don't you?" Rodney tries to look confused, but Jeannie glares. "Don't try to play obtuse, Mer, I'm serious."

They're almost finished clearing up when he whispers, "Yeah. Yeah, I really do."

When the kitchen is all but spotless, they both stop and watch the fun ensuing outside, identical smiles of endearment on their faces, albeit that Rodney's is smaller. John is chasing Madison with a perfectly constructed sphere of snow and Rodney's niece is merely kicking loose snow up behind her, in the futile hope that it'll stop him. John's military precision shouldn't be so charming, but, in the child that he currently is, even Rodney finds it makes him smile almost indulgently. But he also finds it brings him hope that _his_ Sheppard is still in there.

"Thank you," Rodney suddenly blurts out, startling Jeannie for a moment. "For the books. I mean, for the toys as well, but…for the books."

She gives him a wry smile. "I don't think he knew what to make of them."

"But he will and that means…well…a lot. That you, you know…"

"Mer, he's got you," she says simply and he's so startled by her complete faith in him that he's momentarily winded. "I know that, despite that comical frown and the stilted thank you I got, that when you fix this, John will appreciate those books. I know that because of the way _you_ were looking at them. If you think he'll like them, that's good enough for me. Although, you can tell him when he's changed back that I'll be waiting for a more appreciative thank you."

"They keep telling me to get used to it," he says, the need to confide in someone finally overwhelming him. "Elizabeth's so sure that he's stuck like this. She's going to try and talk him into growing up to be a diplomat, I can just tell. Lorne's treating him like his son and I know he thinks he'd do a much better job than I am. Teyla's been talking to Halling about having him put into classes with the Athosian kids, as if she's his mother and I'm convinced Radek and Miko are planning to steal him from under me and adopt him. Ronon's the only one I trust to _not_ steal him away from me!" He takes a deep breath, aware that his fears sound almost ridiculous when spoken aloud. What he doesn't expect is Jeannie grabbing his arms tightly and looking at him with a fiercely protective gaze.

"They will _not_ take him from you, Rodney. Any of them. They know that you are the best person for him. Every single one of them. You will fix this, because you're my big brother." She lets out a breath, her fierce determination ebbing away, and smiles softly. "You're my big brother," she repeats. "And you can fix anything."

"You called me 'Rodney'."

Jeannie chuckles delightedly. "So like you to pick up on that over everything else, Mer."

"No, no, go back to Rodney. I didn't say a word!"

She grins at him and turns back to look out the window. A moment later, she knocks to attract Kaleb's attention. She taps her watch and her husband pleads, holding up his hand, indicating 'five more minutes!' before getting the kids to do the same. Rodney rolls his eyes, but is secretly amused when Jeannie relents.

"I better get the towels ready," she says, squeezing his arm and heading towards the living room. She's almost disappearing into the hallway when he finds his voice.

"You really think I can do it?" he asks softly, not even sure if she's heard him until she stops and turns around.

"Meredith, I _honestly_ believe you that can do anything."

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Oh, you take care of yourself, you hear?" Jeannie's hugging John so tightly, Rodney's ready to warn her in case she cracks a rib. "Promise?"

"I pwomise, Jeannie."

"Okay, and you have to promise to take care of Meredith for me, too, okay?"

John grins and crows, "Mewdif," delightedly, as Rodney groans.

"You realise I will have to put up with that until he grows tired of it? Four year olds have an irritating tendency to stick to things like rabid terriers when they _know_ they're annoying someone."

Jeannie grinned. "I know."

"I hate you."

"You love me," she says, passing John over to Kaleb for a goodbye, as she pulls Rodney into a tight hug.

He lets out a breath, sinking into her embrace. "Hey, how are you?" he asks softly, "How're you doing?" in a matra that's become necessary for him whenever he sees her. It's his reminder to never push her out of his life again.

"I'm good," she says and Rodney knows that she's trying not to cry. "Take care of yourself, Mer. John, too, until you can fix this and then you promise me you'll go back to protecting each other."

"I don't know if I can-"

"You can. Bring him back, Mer. You need him."

"Yeah," he admits, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I do."

"I want a hug!"

They chuckle and pull apart as Rodney leans down to awkwardly accept his niece's exuberant goodbye. He's got comfortable with her since their first meeting, but Rodney doesn't like goodbyes, so he fells ill equipped to deal with the sudden surge of sadness he feels at leaving them all behind again.

"You be good," he says, feeling Madison nod against his shoulder. She pulls back and kisses his cheek.

"I love you, Uncle Rodney. Bring me presents next time, too!"

"Madison!" Jeannie cries, but Rodney just smiles. He discovered at Christmas that he could get used to being an uncle. He delights in spoiling Madison, because he can tell she takes after the McKay family; smart. That deserves a little spoiling in Rodney's book, because it's something he never really got himself. Neither did Jeannie and that's why he knows she doesn't really mind.

"Come on, Wodney, we have to go fly!"

Jeannie and Kaleb's laughter is contagious and he finds himself chuckling as he stands up, but it fades quickly when he sees the abomination clutched in John's tiny hands.

"Where did you get that?" he demands and John scowls at him.

"In de bin whayw you put it."

"Did it occur to you that I put it there because that's where it belongs?"

"Nope." John looks unrepentant as he waits for Rodney to get over himself and get in the taxi.

"Fine! But I am never letting you live this down when you're big again, do you understand?"

John just lets out a huff and waits for Rodney to get in the car. Jeannie's smirking at them and Kaleb's grinning as he reaches down to pick up Madison.

"Say goodbye," Rodney finally says and John waves.

"Bye Jeannie, bye Kabe, bye Maddie!"

"Bye Johnny!" Rodney's niece bubbles and even John winces at that. It's nice to know that some things don't change.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Whilst staying the night at the SGC might have been a good idea to let them unwind before making the trip home, the truth is that Rodney was glad they were getting underway within an hour. John was tired and cranky by the time they had reached the mountain and Rodney was secretly pleased when not even Sam or Mitchell could coax a proper smiling goodbye out of the boy. John had stuck his thumb in his mouth, cuddled the purple abomination and clawed at Rodney until he'd been picked up. And, despite his hatred for the _thing_ in John's arms, not even Rodney was cruel enough to let Daniel snap the photo he so desperately wanted.

"_Rodney."_

He glances at his laptop and indicates that Sam needs to lower her voice. She winces and glances around to the left as if that will allow her to see a different view through her computer screen.

"_I didn't wake him, did I?"_

"No, he's out like a light."

"_Good."_ She smiles at him and he's suddenly very aware that, a few years ago, he would have done anything for her to look at him like that. Now, however, he's waiting to see another grin that he longs for and, with Jeannie's conviction renewing his faith in his own ability to do something about it, he thinks he might not need to wait for forever to see it again.

"_I looked at the data you left me and thought I'd contact you while the _Daedalus_ was still in range."_

"Do you see anything?"

She grimaces._"Honestly, Rodney? No, I didn't. But that doesn't mean that it's not there. In fact, I was talking to Cassie, who's a little upset that you didn't let her say hi."_

"We didn't have time to visit the entire state," he says irritably.

"_Rodney."_

"Fine, tell her I'm sorry. Did you give her Lorne's present? He manipulated a four year old to make sure it got there, so if you lost it-"

"_Yes, Rodney, Cassie got the present and there's a note and a gift from her for Evan in the bag I gave you."_

"Right. Fine. You were saying?"

"_Yes. Cassie thinks we're looking at the whole thing wrong."_

"And with her years of experience and her vast knowledge on Ancient technology, not to mention the two PhD's she has, I'm sure it's a valid point. Be sure to tell her I appreciate her input."

"_Rodney, she has a point."_

"Then will you please get to it?" Rodney thinks it might be possible that he's a little tired and cranky himself.

"_She thinks it might be an idea to stop trying to reverse what the machine did to John and try to find a setting that does the opposite instead."_

"What?"

"_Think of it like a lever; instead of trying to throw the switch in the opposite direction, try to look for another lever instead, one that's programmed to have the opposite effect."_

"Huh." Rodney frowns. "Instead of trying to use the same equation to get the opposite answer… Instead of putting a negative in front of the equation-"

"_-try to find a different equation that gives the answer you need."_

"That could work."

"_Listen, you should get some sleep, or you'll be in no mood to deal with an energised child in a confined space come morning."_ Rodney winces and she smiles at him. _"When you get back to Atlantis, take another look at the machine and, if you want a fresh mind to look over it, send me what you can. If you think it'll help, I'll see if I can get the General to okay my visiting Atlantis."_

Rodney looks surprised. "You'd do that?"

"_Rodney, as much fun as he is like this, we want Colonel Sheppard back as much as you do."_ He refrains from pointing out that he doubts that very much and instead, and for a change, decides to take the statement as its intended.

"Oh. Thank you." He clears his throat. "I'll send more data when I get back. And speaking of, any idea when Dr. Lee might _actually_ manage to _fix_ the network leading to the midpoint station so that we can cut three weeks back to half an hour?"

"_It won't be three weeks, actually. When you reach the midpoint, you'll be able to use the rest of the network, which will cut your journey time."_ Rodney only grunts and she smiles, about to say something, when a voice interrupts her from off screen. She has a short conversation, before turning her attention back to him.

"_I've got to go, but I'll get to work as soon as you send me the stuff."_ He can't quite say thank you, but she doesn't really expect that he will. _"You're okay?" _she asks, seriously and, rather than brushing her off, he nods. _"You'll fix this. You know you can. If you need anything, you know SG1 will help. Just let us know what we can do."_

Not taking offence, but rather appreciating that she's sincere, Rodney nods. "Yes, thank you, but its fine," he says. Because it really _is_. It doesn't matter what everyone back on Atlantis has been telling him, he _knows_ that John isn't going to have to grow up again (although, Rodney questions whether he ever did in the first place), because Rodney will figure it out. It's what he does. And for John, he'll do it no matter what, because Jeannie was right. He really misses his best friend, even if he doesn't think he'd be able to admit it aloud again. Sheppard's coming back; Rodney's going to make sure of that.

Taking one last look at the sleeping boy curled up in the middle of his temporary bed, he frowns. He's also going to make sure that the first thing the Colonel sees is that hideous purple _thing_ with the handbag. Because, really, Rodney's had to clean up the kid's puke; he deserves a little retaliation. Revenge is sweet. Or it will be. All he has to do is make sure he gets Sheppard back.

And, for the first time in a while, he truly believes that he will.

-x-x-x-x-x-

**End…for now!**

_Okay, so, yeah, this came from out of _nowhere_! I seriously intended to write more of the actual Christmas and less of the Rodney angst, but it kind of ended up this way and I kinda like it :)_

_Hope you enjoyed!_


	2. Nap Time

**Nap Time**

**By Kyizi**

**  
Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

**Rating:** PG

**Characters:** Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard, Lorne and Zelenka.

**Spoilers:** None, but it's sort of set around season three, I guess.

**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes:** This is an answer to Sheafrotherdon's, 'Hush! John and Rodney are sleeping!' prompt

**Summary:**_He's seen the impossible since coming to Pegasus, but a four year old with the ability to complete an entire advanced sudoku book in two hours and the military precision to nail Lorne's ass with a slingshot at twenty metres is something different entirely._

xxxxx

There's a sniffle from behind him, just level with his hip and Rodney closes his eyes and takes a deep breath; he cannot cope with this right now. He's spent the entire morning cleaning up after his incompetents and he hasn't the patience to be _nice_, he hasn't the patience to deal with someone _else's_ needs and he'd rather deal with a Wraith than have to pretend he's not tired, irritated and more than a little pissed off.

"Wodney," a small voice says and he lets out a sigh of resignation.

"What."

"Wodney," -- sniffle -- "I's having a bad day."

Rodney frowns and turns to look at the red rimmed eyes of the child next to him, ignoring the purple abomination clutched in his hands – and God, can't he lose that thing already. He glances up and sees Lorne in the doorway, looking worn out and worried -- no, not worried so much as guilty -- and Rodney wants to yell at him, but he doesn't have the energy and, hey, if he's learned anything over the last year and a half, it's that Lorne's an awesome babysitter. Whatever happened, it wasn't Lorne's fault. But Rodney really wants to blame him.

"Wodney. I wanna go seep."

"You and me both," Rodney mutters, dropping off his stool and picking the boy up.

"You seep, too?" And damned if the hope in that tiny voice doesn't make him actually want to.

"I have too much work to do."

"You always woking, Wodney."

He's refusing to look at the boy as he's walking past Lorne, dismissing the man with a shrug and a failed attempt at a smile, because he knows what he'll see. He'll see a half glare and a resigned look that belongs on a face about 35 years older and Rodney really can't take that right now. Because, as idiotic as his staff can be, he knows the real reason he's having a bad day. His research into the machine that did this is on hold, orders from Elizabeth herself, and Rodney's pissed, doesn't want to stop _being_ pissed, because this is _Sheppard_ they're talking about. And no one seems to care anymore.

"Wodney, you okay?"

Finally he does look and he tries to smile. "I'm fine." The wry look on the four-year-old's face tells him he's not fooling anyone.

"Doctor McKay?"

"What?" He snaps out irritably and Miko looks startled. There's a sharp poke on his shoulder and he glares momentarily at the cause.

"Hi Miko."

The woman grins suddenly, "Hi John."

"Yes, yes, we all know he's still capable of wrapping a woman around his little finger, let's not encourage him," Rodney snaps, more to John than to Miko. "What do you want?"

"Oh, we have results."

"Ina mo'ning, Wodney."

"I am perfectly capable of making my own decision on this, thank you," Rodney says and John glares at him. "Like that's going to work." John raises an eyebrow. "Okay, fine, so it's worked before. Not this time. This time I'm dropping you off with Teyla."

John looks like he's about to cry and if Rodney feels like he is, too, then he's refusing to admit it.

"I'll be back in ten minutes," he says to Miko and stalks off to his quarters to get John's things, resolutely _not_ looking anywhere but forward.

xxxxx

"Major."

Lorne turns to the scientist standing in the doorway and smiles. "Radek, what can I do for you?"

"It is Doctor McKay."

"What happened?" he asks, jumping to his feet.

"He told Miko to meet him in lab and did not come. He is not answering to calls and I thought you had John?"

Lorne shakes his head and winces. "Handed him over about an hour ago. He was a bit…cranky today."

"Not much different to when he was old," the Czech says with a smile.

"That is a Colonel in the United States military you're talking about," Lorne says, not a hint of reprimand in his voice. He picks up his gun and heads out the door, Radek following closely behind him.

They've been looking for hours when Lorne finally picks up their trail; a small, round object that would have sent him skidding unceremoniously to the floor had it not been for the wall in his way. He glares, picks it up and examines it, before throwing it to Radek. The Czech looks at it suspiciously, before his eyebrows rise in understanding.

"John will be most displeased," he says struggling to keep his composure.

"That's my Commanding Officer you're talking about," Lorne says with a smirk. "This way," he says, continuing forward. There's a balcony about half way down the corridor that he knows Sheppard used to hide out on and, even though the four year old version of his CO seems to have no recollection of his life prior to his run in with the machine, there are the little things that tell Lorne it's buried somewhere in the boy's brain. He's seen the impossible since coming to Pegasus, but a four year old with the ability to complete an entire advanced sudoku book in two hours and the military precision to nail Lorne's ass with a slingshot at twenty metres is something different entirely.

"Almost there," he says, more to himself than to the scientist curiously following behind him.

"What do you think Doctor McKay is d- oh!" Radek actually walks into him as Lorne stops in the doorway, a small smile playing on his lips.

They're lying in a bundle in one corner, John lying comatose on Rodney's slowly rising chest, his thumb in his mouth and drool on Rodney's shirt. The purple toy (now one eyed) that Lorne intends to _never_ let Sheppard live down when they get him back is nestled in the crook of his other arm. And McKay is…well, snoring. Loudly.

"Doc, I think you should tell Miko to get some sleep. Something's come up that's going to keep Doctor McKay busy until tomorrow."

Radek smiles at him and nods, turning on his heel and leaving quickly. His footsteps echo behind him. Lorne takes another moment to watch over the sleeping pair, wishing that there was more he could do to take the pressure off Doctor McKay, wishing there was something more he could do other than being a babysitter. He loves watching the kid, but there's something slightly disconcerting to know that that boy was his CO.

He knows Elizabeth means well, knows she has to think of the city as a whole, but it's not right that she's given up. He's tried to encourage her positive thinking, but he only has so much leeway with her now and that stings. But he couldn't have done any different back then, especially not now. Watching them together, seeing how much Rodney McKay needs even the child version of John Sheppard to keep him sane, Lorne knows he made the right decision in ensuring the boy stayed on Atlantis.

Even if Elizabeth will never forgive him for it.

He steps back, takes one last look and smiles. He'll leave them for a few more hours, make sure no one bothers them (barring a Wraith attack) and heads back to the labs, whistling. It's been a really bad day, but tomorrow's a new one and maybe Radek can do some of Rodney's work on the machine in the meantime.

xxxxx

**End**


	3. Maybe

**Maybe  
By Kyizi**

**  
Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

**Rating:** maybe 12A/PG-13

**Characters:** Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard and Lorne

**Spoilers:** Season three.

**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes:** I was writing the main fic when a thought occurred to me. I wish I hadn't realised I needed to write this. So I thought if I wrote it as another snippet, it'd be like ripping off a plaster; all at once to make it less painful :(

**Summary:** _John pulls back and looks at him with bright innocent eyes and Rodney doesn't think he can do this. But the boy trusts him. And, God, is he going to have to do this all over again when John's Sheppard again? When he's really John, is he going to remember? Because once is hard enough, but twice might just kill him._

Author notes: Okay, so I've messed with the timelines a bit… and I kinda wish I'd never had to write this sobs

xxxxx

It's the frantic screaming that alerts him to the fact that he's found what he's looking for. He didn't think anything could make him feel any worse, but this does. This is so much worse and he cannot handle it. But he thinks that maybe _not_ handling it would be much harder. He might not have Sheppard, he might not have _John_…but he's got the only thing left of the man and he intends to hang onto it. Possible literally. Right now, he thinks he might literally need to hold on, because…oh, God.

He turns the corner and a streak of small boy flies across the room and thuds into his legs so hard he almost falls over. He picks John up and holds the sobbing child tightly, doesn't want to let go, won't let go, because he can't.

Rodney glances across the room and meets the red rimmed eyes of Lorne, thinks that maybe this is one of the times he should use the man's actual name, but to hell if he can remember it. He can't really think.

"W-Wod-Wodney."

"I'm here."

"Day was a big bang and…I heard 'nothe one and…"

"I'm here." His voice catches and he takes a steadying breath, noticing Lorne's chest hitch slightly. Caldwell's still on Atlantis, so Lorne's not in charge at the moment, didn't have to be there, but he knows. He can't not know and oh, God, how the hell is Rodney supposed to tell John? He's a kid for God's sakes and he…

"Wodney, I gots a cut," John says hiccoughing and leaning back to look at him. The boy's pouting and red faced and he's just a kid.

"I wan' go see Cawson. Get fixed."

"I've got to-" Lorne stumbles past as Rodney nods and keeps nodding, because if he stops he'll have to start speaking and he doesn't think he can. Not yet. He can't, because…because he has to tell John.

"Wodney? What's wong?"

"I…there…just give me a minute, okay?"

"Okay." John frowns, then throws his arms around Rodney's neck, whispering. "S'ow me how tight you can cuddle." And Rodney's heart breaks and he feels a sob rising in his chest. Because that's a game Carson played with John. A competition; something the Scot had done with his sisters and cousins as a child and it's the last thing Rodney needs and at the same time it's exactly what he needs.

Stumbling across the room, Rodney makes his way to the bed, curls up at the top and just holds John, shaking a little with silent sobs and trying to stem the flow of tears. He's already lost Sheppard, but there's always the hope that one day Rodney will be able to fix that. But this? This is something that all the physics and all the math in the universe can't make okay. He can't make it okay. No one can. And now he's lost his best friend. One of the only other people in this galaxy outside his team that actually likes him and he's gone. And Rodney _could_ have made sure it didn't happen. Rodney could have not lied, could have said, "Sure, I'll go fishing with you, Carson, old buddy", but he'd lied. He'd lied badly, because Carson had known what he was going to do. He'd spent the day with the machine. Spent the day trying to fix one best friend and lost the other.

"Wodney?"

"I'm okay."

"Okay."

John pulls back and looks at him with bright innocent eyes and Rodney doesn't think he can do this. But the boy trusts him. And, God, is he going to have to do this all over again when John's Sheppard again? When he's really John, is he going to remember? Because once is hard enough, but twice might just kill him.

"I need to tell you something."

John nods, seeming to sense that it's not a good something. His eyes are tearing up already and Rodney can't take this.

"There was an accident in the med lab."

"Did you fix it?"

Rodney takes a deep breath. "Do you remember when I got called out of bed and had to leave you with Teyla?"

"Yes, she was cranky and you said the f-wowd."

"I did not. You misheard me."

"Suw fing, Wodney." John grins, but then turns serious. "Was the scie'tists sick?"

"Yes, two of them. But we didn't know they were and Cars…Carson… is a doctor, remember."

John nods. "He fixed my foot."

"Yeah, yeah, he did. But if you hadn't been playing with that-"

"Was Evan's fault!"

Evan. Lorne's name. He'd need to remember. And he's stalling. He knows he's stalling. He wonders if he can stall for longer, maybe a few days, maybe…

"Wodney?"

"We found out they were sick. Carson tried to fix one of them. But there was a problem."

John nods. "'Lantis made them sick."

Rodney frowns. "You said that this morning when I left."

"Yup. S'e didn't mean to but they was playing wif stuff and it went wong."

"Oh, God, why didn't I listen," Rodney murmurs. He's long since given up trying to explain how John in his present form has this new connection with Altantis, but it's helped them out on more than one occasion. But this morning he was so tired, he was so annoyed at having been woken up, at having had to wake up Teyla and sort out John and go down to the med lab for _nothing_ that he'd just not really _heard_ what John was telling him through wide-mouthed yawns.

"Was they really sick?"

"They-They, uh, had tumours in their brains."

"Choomus," John says, frowning. "Is that bad?"

"Yes, yes, it's bad. But this was worse, because they were…the noises that frightened you, the ones that…"

John's eyes widen. "Choomus go boom?" he asks and Rodney's so upset that he can't stall some more by bringing up the boys lack of grammar, or just anything to make this not have to happen now.

"Yes," he says, instead, swallowing hard. "They exploded. The first one hurt a lot of people and…and Carson tried to…he had to try to fix the other one. He wanted to help, because…because he's a…"

"Because he's doctor," John says and he's starting to sniffle. As if he's already guessed what's happening, but he's too young to know. He _shouldn't_ know already.

"Yes, because he's a stupid, selfless, martyr and he…"

John sobs. "Cawson?"

"I'm so sorry," Rodney whispers, not really sure who he's speaking to and John launches himself forward, his elbow catching Rodney's chin and his other hand pounding at Rodney's shoulder. And it hurts but he doesn't even feel it, because there's an ache in his chest that's so much stronger. It physically hurts, because he's lost Carson and he's still not managed to fix John and he has to be strong for the boy, has to continue on as if nothing's different…but it'll never be the same again.

It takes a while, but Rodney eventually realises that John's asleep. He's still cradling the boy to his shoulder when the door hisses open.

"Sorry," Lorne says, swallowing and looking a little lost in the doorway.

"Don't be. It's your room." He scoots off the end of the bed, trying not to jostle the sleeping boy in his arms. He's at the doorway when he stops, facing the major and trying to figure out what to say. Lorne does a lot for him and, even if he's half convinced himself that the man thinks Rodney's attempt at parenting skills leave a lot to be desired, he knows he never really says thank you.

"He asked me to go fishing with him," Lorne says, before Rodney gets the chance to flounder some more. "I think he asked everybody. I could've gone."

"It was supposed to be me," Rodney whispers. "It was me who promised him in the first place."

"Well," Lorne says, smiling sadly. "He understood. We all do, even if we pretend we don't know you're still working on it. You'll fix him, we need you to, and Carson understood that."

"Right now, I don't think I even understand it."

"You've lost both your best friends," Lorne says. "There is no understanding that. It sucks."

"Yeah. Yeah, it really does."

Lorne nods and moves into the room, giving Rodney space to leave. Just as he crosses the threshold, he turns. "Evan."

Lorne looks startled, as if he didn't think Rodney even knew his name, let alone remembered it…which, to be fair, he hadn't. But he thinks he got his point across. All the same, he still feels the need to say it.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Rodney nods once more and turns away, his hands still clutching onto John, holding him like a lifeline. Because this child is all he has left of the one best friend he can actually save. Has to save. And maybe if he focuses on that, he can ignore the gaping wound that Carson just left.

Maybe.

xxxxx

**End**

I actually have no words…I'm sorry. I feel very upset now.

I realise I've messed with timeline. Although, now that I think about it, you might not, because the main fic is a WiP that I haven't posted yet, but my point is that, yes, I've changed things. I've inserted about two years somewhere into the first half of season three. Probably somewhere between The Game and Sunday, because I think that fits best with the characterisation at this point.


	4. Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle

**Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle**

**By Kyizi**

**Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

**Rating:** PG

**Characters:** Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard, Jeannie & the Millers, SG1

**Spoilers:** A few minor ones for S3

**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes:**This is an answer to LorielEris' panfandom day of hugging, which can be found on her LJ with a list of the fics written for it.

**Summary: **_John's always loved the sound and timbre of Carson's voice. It reminds him of sleepy mornings and safety in rainstorms, of a warm embrace and, sometimes, it reminds him of pulling up from a precipice he never really remembers ever seeing_

xxxxx

Carson Becket has always been an ordinary sort of man. He grew up in a too-small house with four brothers and three sisters and was raised to believe that it was good manners to open doors for women, respect his elders and never to swear in front of his family. Not that he swears often and when he does, he thinks it's bloody well called for. Because he's pretty sure that the 'not swearing rule' is subjugated by the very existence of Wraith.

For all that Carson loves his job, he misses his family. It's not like he saw them often when he was back on earth, anyway, because Meigle is tiny wee village in Perthshire that happens to be nowhere near much of anything, let alone Colorado Springs. But that doesn't stop him from missing them. He misses Eilidh's love of music and James' need to be useful (even if it means getting in the way) and all the little things about the rest of his family that he never used to notice. But mostly he misses his favourite little niece. He knows it's not right that he has a favourite niece or nephew, but he figures that with there being 27 of them, he's allowed to pick one now and again. And Heather's his little miracle. Well, she's everyone's little miracle. Born too early and she'll never know the gift of sight.

When Heather was one, she learned how to talk in full sentences, perhaps because moving around wasn't something she'd ever been inclined to try and, whilst she was slow to toddle and slow to walk, her mouth never failed her. She'd inherited a hint of her father's Glaswegian accent in the same way that Carson had inherited his father's hint of Aberdonian and Carson loved to listen to the lilt at the end of her sentences, almost musical in the way that his own never was and never will be. He sometimes hears his voice alongside Sheppard's lazy drawl, or Elizabeth's concise tones and wonders if he really sounds as gruff as he thinks he does.

Carson misses a lot about home, misses the sights and sounds and, well, not so much the smells, because he comes from a rural town, but even that is distinct and it's what he's known his whole life. But most of all, he thinks he misses Heather, arms tight around his neck, rocking them from side to side and whispering in his ear, "Show me how tight you can cuddle."

xxxx

When John reaches the infirmary, the lights are low and there's a gentle hum in the back of his head. Atlantis is content and happy and that makes John very happy, because Atlantis sings to him in moments like this. He shuffles on his feet and scurries into the room, trying not to wake Katie, who's sleeping in the corner (she fell on her head yesterday, but Rodney had said it didn't really matter, because the plants had already turned her brain to mush – John doesn't say anything, but thinks that if plants can do cool stuff like that, then maybe Atlantis could fire plants at the Wraith).

He knows what he's looking for, because Atlantis is always good and tells him where everything is kept; a gentle nudge this way and a whisper to _turnduckhidefind_ just when he needs it. This time, it's really important, because John's on a mission for Atlantis. Something she has is sad and broken and it's John's job to fix it and she always tells him where and how. He runs, quietly, into the open doorway and stands on his tiptoes, his fingertips holding onto the desk, and grins when he sees a mop of brown hair on the desk.

He whispers, "Thank you, 'Lantis," even though he could have found the man himself; Carson snores. John thought there was a fighter jet coming the first time he heard it and he cried for at least two minutes when Rodney told him it wasn't. John thinks that fighter jets are pretty cool.

He looks behind him, just to make sure that Rodney doesn't know he's awake and not in his bed, where he should be. When everything stays quiet (Rodney's very noisy), John smiles and runs over to the other side of the room, dragging the chair to the desk next to Carson's. He's trying to be quiet, but the jet noises stop and there's a splutter of sound (like the engine failed, John thinks) and suddenly he's faced with a sleepy, disoriented doctor.

When the chair is finally next to the man, John climbs up onto it and turns around, sitting down with a satisfying whoosh until his feet are folded under him. There's a phantom ache in his knees that make him frown (an image of playing football, but like he's tall, flashing through his mind).

"Wh-What do you think you're doing here, wee man! It's the middle of the night, for goodness sakes!"

"I was 'wake."

"Well, that's all good an well, but it's hardly the point, John. You can't just-"

"Hid ye' wish!" John says, giggling and covering his mouth and it takes Carson a moment to understand him. When he does, the man breaks into a smile and starts to chuckle. (John's always loved the sound and timbre of Carson's voice. It reminds him of sleepy mornings and safety in rainstorms, of a warm embrace and, sometimes, it reminds him of pulling up from a precipice he never really remembers ever seeing; a place where everything went wrong and he was so sad he doesn't know how it ever went away, but then there were stars and Rodney was there. Somehow he thinks he could hear a lifetime he isn't sure he knows in the changing tones of the man's words.)

"We'll make a Scotsman out of you yet," Carson says. "Now, really, it's bed time."

"Jus' a minute." Without really knowing why he's doing it, or why it's important, he frowns and asks, "Cawson. What's a cudduw?"

"A what?" Carson frowns, then smiles slowly. "You mean a cuddle?"

"U-huh."

"It's a hug. A tight hug."

"Fo' fwends?"

The man nods. "For friends."

John nods. "Okay." He stands on his chair, leaving Carson still more than a little perplexed as to why the boy woke up in the middle of the night, traipsed all the way to the infirmary and felt the need to ask him what a cuddle was. "Come hee."

"What?"

"I wan' a cudduw."

Carson smiles and leans forward, pulling the boy into a hug and smiling. When John starts to hold on tight, he can feel his friend squeezing back and then he hears a whispered, "Show me how tight you can cuddle" and John grins and squeezes as tight as he can.

Somewhere, in the back of his head, he hears Atlantis singing again.

xxxxx

**The End…for now!**

_(There should be more to come!)_

_I had planned to bring Rodney into the infirmary at the end, there, demanding to know what John thought he was doing, but this one? It wasn't really about Rodney, so I decided to leave it here._

**Notes:**

What John's trying to say when he says "Hid ye' wish!" is "Haud yer wheesht!", which basically means shut up! I think it loosely translates to 'hold your tongue'. I'd imagine he'd heard it from Carson and was trying to imitate him ;)

Meigle is pronounced 'mee-gul'  
Eilidh is pronounced 'ay-lay'

**_NB Here follows a bit of my inner accent!geek ;p_**

For those of you curious as to why I always say Carson has a hint of Aberdonian (from Aberdeen, in case I'm confusing some people!) in his accent, it's because of the fact that he doesn't make the sound 'ah', which isn't a sound used in the American Accent (I asked a few friends whilst I was over there for Camp America to say Aaron, Arron, and Erin and they all sounded the same, when they're three completely different sounds). A good example is in Sateda when Rodney gets shot in the arse with an arrow. Carson pronounces this 'eh-row' rather than 'ah-row' and the use of the sound 'eh' instead of 'ah' is something very distinctly used in Aberdeenshire, a place where a lot of Scots need a translator handy! I adore the accent, personally, but then I'm vaguely obsessed with them!


	5. Sniffles

**Sniffles  
By Kyizi**

Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Rating:** PG  
**Characters:** Rodney, five-year-old John, Ronon and Lorne  
**Spoilers:** None, but it's sort of set around season three, I guess.  
**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)  
**Notes:** Okay, so I don't know where, exactly, this came from, but you can blame loriel_eris! Written at work (meep!)… Procrastination is the name of the game, people! :p

**Summary:** _"Wodey, if I sdeeze weally loud will by eyes pop out?"_

This is part of the wee!John 'verse, which started with Five Ancient Devices Rodney McKay Wishes He'd Never Discovered (number three) and continues in Just an Ordinary Day, Christmas with the Millers, Nap Time, and Maybe (both snippets in same post) and Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Choo!"

Rodney glares a little. "Are you purposefully _saying_ that every time you sneeze, _just_ to annoy me?"

"Do." John sniffs, looks up at Rodney with pitiful, tear-filled eyes and sneezes again. "_Choo_!" His head jerks so much he falls back to a seated position. He sniffles and cranes his neck to look up at Rodney. "Cad I have cake, Wod-ey?"

"_Wodey_? No! No, no and _no_. You are _not_ calling me that!"

John giggle-coughs, exclaims, "Wodey!" and sneezes violently.

"No," Rodney reiterates and then frowns. "Did you dislodge something that time?"

"My head huwts." John sniffs again and frowns. "Wodey, if I sdeeze weally loud will by eyes pop out?"

"What? No, don't be stupid."

"Dot stupid!" John glares. "Wadek said dat sdeezes aw fast as todaoes o' huwicanes. Bet _dey_ could bake you eyes pop out," he finishes with a lazy drawl that just sounds wrong in his five year old voice and is spoiled by the violent sneeze that follows.

When his face contorts with the next sneeze, Rodney crouches to his level in a slight panic. "Oh my God, what was that?"

"Wad to see if by eyes pop out if I keep dem open."

"Will you stop being stupid! You do not _want_ your eyes to pop out. You will need them to fly planes later!"

"So it _does_ bake you eyes pop out." Rodney glares and John smiles. "Cad I have-?"

"No, you can't have cake."

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Here, you have him. I can't take any more."

Ronon frowns, glances at the snotty, little boy being held out to him at arms length and looks at Mackay sceptically.

"What? He's sneezing everywhere, do you understand that my immune system is non-existent? I've probably already contracted some alien disease with all the germs mixing and mutating, while he _sneezes on my work space_."

When Ronon just continues to look at him with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk, Rodney actually looks like he might cry.

"P..." Rodney takes a deep breath and then grits his teeth and hisses, "_Please_."

Ronon rolls his eyes and plucks the sneezing child out of Rodney's outstretched hands and tucks him under one arm. The man scuttles away and Ronon looks down at the boy with a smile. John grins back cheekily at him, opens his mouth to say something and sneezes all over him.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"What do you mean he's under quarantine?" Rodney asks, aghast, trying to make sure the crying child in his arms _isn't_ wiping his nose on Rodney's shoulder.

Lorne sighs and tries again. "John sneezed all over him, got him sick. His immune system isn't built to withstand our germs, he could be there for a while. You've to keep John away from anyone who isn't from Earth."

"I've to...I have _work_ to do!"

"Wodey," John says pathetically and it kind of tugs at Rodney's heart a little.

"What?"

"Cad I have cake?"

"I... Someone up there hates me."

"Adciedts aw just gwupy," John says, patting his shoulder.

Lorne frowns. "Ancients are just what?"

"Grumpy," Rodney translates, looking at John and sighing. "I don't know what to do with you sometimes."

John nods, his face still solemn. "Ged be cake. Wodod says cake fixes evwyfing."

"Ronon would say that."

"Cake?"

"I want you to know," Rodney says, brushing past a snickering Lorne, "that if you weren't so pathetic and I didn't want some myself, you would not be getting anything."

"Okay, Wodey."

"I hate you."

"I wuv you, too."

-x-x-x-x-x-

**End for now (there's m****ore to come!)**


	6. Little Troublemaker

**Little Troublemaker  
By Kyizi**

Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Rating:** PG  
**Characters:** Lorne, four-year-old John, Rodney and Radek  
**Spoilers:** None, but it's sort of set around season three, I guess.  
**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)  
**Notes:** Written for **loriel_eris**, who was having a bad day.

**Summary:** _He did not have time to deal with this. Atlantis was -- he checked his watch -- two minutes and 32 seconds away from being disintegrated and he was running around in the bowels of the city chasing his five year old ex-colonel around._

If the kid was naked he was handing in his resignation. 

**Little Troublemaker**

* * *

There was a giggle coming from his chest. It took him a moment to realise why this was unusual, but he _was_ half asleep. It wasn't a particularly stealthy giggle and the weight pressing into his rib cage, along with the fist jammed painfully into his stomach, didn't lend to that impression either, but Lorne had the feeling it was meant to be nonetheless. He waited silently for a moment, slowly allowing himself to wake up fully, not wanting to alert his intruder to the fact that he was awake.

He hadn't been drinking, hadn't been off world to have inadvertently consumed anything hallucinogenic, he distinctly remembered going to sleep the night before and he recalled that he had been alone in his room. The fact that his internal clock told him it couldn't be any later than 5am also told him that his intruder should definitely be asleep in another part of the city.

There was another giggle, followed by a wriggling as the weight shifted up his body. A few moments later he could feel the steady flow of breath on his chin, tickling his lips and the bottom of his nose. He took a moment to let things settle and then reared up, groaning loudly, his eyes crossed and crazy-looking. The boy squealed at a pitch that would likely get Lorne into trouble for waking up half of the city, but the insane laughter and giggles that followed as he tickled the boy into the mattress made it worth it.

"'Top! 'Top! Evan, '_top_ it!" John squealed. "_Peeeeeeeeeeeease_!"

He stopped tickling and looked warily at the boy, giving him a moment to recover. John continued to giggle breathlessly, his eyes bright and wet with laughter.

"Now," Lorne said, leaning closer and setting the boy off again. "I _may_ be wrong, but something tells me that little boys are meant to be in bed just now."

"Nope!" John cackled, wriggling further down the bed and away from the man leaning over him.

Smirking briefly, he grabbed John's feet and pulled, sliding the boy back towards him until Lorne was leaning over him face to face again. "You should be sleeping."

John laughed. "No! 'Lantis said time to wake up! Gots to wake you up!"

Lorne frowned. "Why does Altlantis want me..." he trailed off, listening to the gentle murmur so constantly at the back of his mind when he was in the city. There was something changing, something a little different to it. He frowned, glanced at John who was looking up at him with innocent eyes and then it clicked.

"Oh, sh-" he stopped himself on hearing the thrilled giggle, but didn't have time to revel in it as he leapt out of bed, threw on his uniform and tossed the all-too-pleased child over his shoulder, happy to be providing some kind of amusement to someone. Because he had the feeling things were about to go to hell.

"What do you mean there's no more power!"

"I do not know how else you want me to say it, Rodney! We have no more power! The shields will fail in four minutes, thirty nine seconds."

"We need more time than that!"

"We do not _have_ more time!"

Lorne took a deep breath, taking a moment to roll his shoulders as he continued to lead his men down to the Jumper Bay. With power at it's lowest, all transporters were off limits, but damn it he needed to be in the air already. He listened to Zalenka and McKay bickering over the radio, glad that he had access to personal channels right now, because he needed to know how bad things were since he was currently in charge of the city.

Things were pretty damn bad.

He continued jogging down the stairs, leading the way to the Jumper Bay, hoping that they would make it in time. The ship had come out of nowhere, it was of unknown origin and its guns packed a hell of a punch. Or maybe 'laser' would be a better choice, since that's exactly what it looked like; a three meter wide laser beam that was sucking the energy out of Atlantis through it's shields. And it looked like they were helpless to stop it.

"Conners, Williams, Cooper, take left flank. Parker, James, I want you right behind m-" He stopped short and spun in a circle, his eyes widening in horror as the child's giggles echoed around them. He saw his horror echoed in Parker's eyes but indicated that she should get in her Jumper. "Cooper, take the lead. I need you to try and draw their fire away from Atlantis. Do what you can." He knew that Cooper was more than capable of handling this, possibly more so than he was, given the man's flight experience, but, even after a year of being in charge, handing over the reigns was still a foreign concept to him, as was giving orders. Cooper nodded and Lorne watched for a moment as they all entered their jumpers, but another noise made him remember why he wasn't heading out with them.

He was going to strangle the little squirt.

He jogged back to the corridor, frowning when he was met only with the sounds of the Jumpers behind him leaving. "John!" he called and swore under his breath when there was an answer of glee. Usually hearing the kid calling his name with such joy left him grinning for days, at that moment it filled him with fear and anger in equal amounts.

He took off down the corridor, knowing that the longer he left it the more likely the kid was to find trouble. Somehow, John Sheppard was _always_ able to find trouble, regardless of his age.

"John, this isn't funny, kid, come on." When all his comment garnered were more giggles, he fought the urge to ram his fist into the nearest wall. He did not have time to deal with this. Atlantis was -- he checked his watch -- two minutes and 32 seconds away from being disintegrated and he was running around in the bowels of the city chasing his five year old ex-colonel around.

If the kid was naked he was handing in his resignation.

Assuming they lived through this.

Reaching a dead end, he threw his hands up in frustration. "John Sheppard, where the hell are you?" There was a squeak of fright to his left and he frowned, looking at what appeared to be a wall. "John?" He stepped closer and reached out a hand, jerking in surprise when it didn't hit anything, he kept walking forward. A look to his right showed a corridor and, at a glance down, a small, wild-eyed, messy-haired, five year old.

"Very _Labyrinth_," he muttered and then crouched down to eye level. He took a deep breath, he calmed himself; the kid looked terrified. "John, what are you doing down here?"

"'Lantis wants to show you."

Lorne frowned. "To show me what?" he asked, but didn't question how John knew. He understood, better than McKay and the others could, that Altantis spoke to those with the natural gene in different ways.

Realising he wasn't about to get into trouble, John grinned, yelled "This way!" and shot off before Lorne could so much as curse.

"Seriously?" he said under his breath, taking off after the kid. They had about a minute to live and Lorne hadn't planned to spend it like this. He'd at least hoped to go out in a blaze of glory. Well, the boy was clothed. He told himself that was something.

"John, where the he- _woah_." He stopped, stared wild-eyed at the large chamber and turned in a circle. The room was huge, shining brightly in that way that only Atlantis ever could, and in the centre was a chair. A chair that the five-year-old was currently hauling himself into. Lorne shot forward at a speed that would have surprised even him had he even thought about it, and picked the child up, turning him around so that they were face to face.

"How did you make it past puberty the first time? Never mind to Colonel!" John just looked at him. Lorne sighed. "You have _got_ to stop throwing yourself at things that _could kill you_. Okay?"

"Okay. Now you have to save 'Lantis," the boy said, pointing to the chair.

"John, there's no power." He glanced at his watch. About twenty seconds. Great. He wanted to hug the kid tightly, just for that last moment of comfort before it all ended, but he didn't want to scare John. What was the point?

"_E_-van!" John said as if he was very put out by Lorne's stupidity.

Frowning, Evan looked over to where he was pointing and almost dropped the kid.

"I'll be damned."

"Oh my God!"

Evan smirked, tucked his thumbs into his belt hooks and rocked back on his feet. A glance at the boy by his side showed him that it was a stance that was being copied. He grinned, reached out to ruffle John's already-unruly hair and looked at McKay again.

"Nice, isn't it, Doc?"

"Ni-_nice_?" Rodney spluttered. "_Nice_? It's...it's..."

"Wonderful," Radek finished. The Czech picked up the ZPM that Rodney wasn't holding and turned around again. The room was full to the brim of all Atlantis' best (which pretty much meant the whole city) and John was taking centre stage by the chair, which meant so was Lorne. Ever since he'd shot the vessel out of the sky with whatever weapons system the chair had, John had been stuck to him like glue. The word '_Cooooool_' had echoed around the empty chamber for a solid minute after it had all ended and John's wide eyes had gazed at him with something akin to hero-worship. Lorne figured it was time for a bit of a role reversal, even if the Colonel did have to turn into a five-year-old for it to happen.

"But how does it all _work_?" Rodney asked, wonderingly, still clutching at the powered ZPM cradled in his arms like a baby.

"Like dis," John said and scrunched up his face in a way that had Lorne thinking of all those _Bewitched_ episodes his big sister had forced on him as a child. The fact that the act made consoles and screens suddenly appear out of nowhere did nothing to dispel the likeness.

Rodney and Radek started making strange whimpering noises that the Atlantis military had soon come to associate with 'this is likely to save my butt sometime, so do not mock'. They scientists were abuzz and the others soon left them to it. Only he and John remained, watching as Rodney gleefully discovered new systems and more pieces to the puzzle that was Atlantis and he had no doubt that McKay's large brain would retain it all and use it at some point in the too-near future to save them all again.

He pulled himself into the now dormant chair, grinning when John held his arms up. He picked the kid up, pulled him onto his lap and the two of them curled up to watch the scientists do their thing. The last thought that Lorne had before sleep snuck over him was that maybe, sometime in the future, it wouldn't be so bad to have a kid of his own.

After all, what was the worst that could happen?

**END**

T be continued in 'Paternal Instinct"


	7. Paternal Instinct

**Paternal Instinct  
By Kyizi**

Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Rating:** PG  
**Characters:** Lorne, four-year-old John, mentions of Rodney  
**Spoilers:** None, but it's sort of set around season three, I guess.  
**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes:** This was written ages ago, as in was about the third snippet in this 'verse. But I forgot to finish it and, over time, remembered it as something I'd already posted. Which was wrong, but totally explains why some references to naked John, etc, weren't understood in later snippets. So I've just finished it and am posting it now!

**Previous Ficlets**

| Five Ancient Devices Rodney McKay Wishes He'd Never Discovered (number three) | Just an Ordinary Day | Christmas with the Millers | Nap Time | Maybe (same post as Nap Time) | Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle | Sniffles | Little Troublemaker |

* * *

Major Evan Lorne has seen a lot of crazy shit since arriving in the Pegasus galaxy, but even he's not sure if the crazy, gothic, vampire aliens, hell bent on eating everyone are less of a culture shock than his CO reverting to a three year old. He understands that things are a little weird in Pegasus and likes to think that he takes it all in his stride.

So on that day when a frazzled Rodney McKay stormed into his quarters whilst he was getting dressed, held out a scrawny, confused child and said, "Major, meet the new Colonel Sheppard. Bond, or... _something_. Just keep it occupied and don't bring it back for at least seven hours!" thrust the boy into his arms and stalked out, Lorne didn't really bat an eyelid.

"Sheppard," he said with a nod to the child he was holding by the arm pits.

"_John_," the boy responded, pointing to himself with a sticky finger and Evan had nodded, said "Okay" and they had spent the afternoon playing cops and robbers.

He'd figured, three weeks, tops, and he'd be back to 2IC duties and he and the Colonel would laugh about it over a beer.

Six weeks later, Lorne had realised that maybe, this time, things wouldn't be quite so easy.

"_E_-van."

He takes a deep breath at the tone he's come to realise precedes a question he _really_ will not want to answer and says, "Yes, John."

"Whe's my mom and dad?"

He freezes a little, because he's already been party to the conversation about how well John was taking things and how he seemed to realise that his parents weren't around and suddenly things have shifted. He looks around the all-but deserted mess area and wishes Rodney would enter, but a few minutes later, he's still alone and John's looking at him expectantly.

"Well…what do you remember from…before Atlantis?"

John frowns a little, scrunching his face up and taking on that 'deep in thought' look that small children get when they're thinking very hard. "I wememebe …space and scawy monstes, but I fink that's just deams."

Evan really wishes they were just dreams. "And what else?"

"Wodney, I always wemembe' Wodney. He's safe."

Evan smiles. "Yeah, he's very good at keeping us all safe. What else?"

"Teya and Wonon and…who's Fod?"

Taking a deep breath, he answers. "Ford was your friend, but he had to go away."

John nods. "Okay. Did Dad have to go 'way again, too?"

Evan's not really sure how he's supposed to deal with this. Sheppard's a pretty quiet guy when it comes to his personal life. He never talks about home or family and even John's been pretty quiet about it until now. He just wishes it was Rodney John had asked.

"Did you speak to Rodney about this?" he asks, kind of hoping that the other man had laid some ground for him.

John shakes his head. "No," he murmurs, so softly that Evan has to lean across the table. "Don't want him to send me 'way."

"Why would he send you away, John?"

"He might send me back."

"To your parents?" Evan asks and the boy nods. "He won't. I kinda think you'll need to shoot Rodney before he lets you go anywhere, even when you're big. I think you're stuck with him, shrimp."

"Weally?" John asks and the awe in his voice makes Evan wish someone thought about him that way.

"Really. Your mom and dad…well, they kinda had to go away, too. I'm sure they'd love to have you back, but I think everyone knows Rodney looks after you the best. Even if some people had to be reminded," he adds, more to himself than to John; the scene with Elizabeth still making him feel ill and angry and upset all at once.

"Wodney's gonna keep me?" John asks once more, just to be sure.

"You can bet on it, scamp."

"Okay." John nods and Evan finds the small smile on his little face contagious.

Evan's never really had to think much about becoming a father. He's a favourite uncle and a dorky younger brother, a model son and he tries to be a good, polite gentleman. But having children of his own isn't something he thought he'd have to think about.

When he'd started seeing Janet, all those years ago, he'd wondered what he might be getting into. Cassie had been fourteen and had shifted through phases of wanting him to treat her like a kid and trying to become the young woman she so wanted to be. Thus Evan sometimes found himself taking her to amusement parks, or more often surrounded by blushes and giggles and, generally, got a bit freaked out over the whole thing. The fact that Janet had found it hilarious really hadn't helped.

But things have changed; he's lost Janet, they had in fact said goodbye to their relationship a few months before he'd stood by her graveside, and Cassie's all grown up. He'd made sure Cassie was safe, put as much college money aside as he could afford and personally driven her across three states for her first day of school, before setting one foot into the Pegasus galaxy.

So, finding himself in the bowels of Atlantis chasing after a three year old isn't really something he'd thought he'd have to do. The fact that he keeps remembering that said three year old is his CO and, therefore, not someone he's ever thought it was a good idea to see naked, is more than a little creepy. Creepier, in fact, than the days of his almost-step-daughter's little crush. But John, Evan thinks, doesn't seem to agree.

"I swear to God, you better get back here right now and put some clothes on, young man!" he calls out, wincing and muttering, "God, this is so wrong." He sighs and continues down the corridor. "John?"

There's a giggle and a streak of white as the naked child runs right past him so fast that Evan trips over his own feet trying to (unsuccessfully) scoop the boy up. He curses, winces and hopes the boy didn't hear (although he knows that, grown up, Sheppard says a hell of a lot worse) and takes off after him, ignoring the laughing marines in the corridor behind him.

"How much trouble can one three year old be?" he muses incredulously.

John's past him again before he's realised and all Evan's succeeded in doing is dropping the boy's missing clothes again.

The answer is, apparently, a lot of trouble.

"19, 20. Ready or not, here I come..."

Evan keeps his voice low, knowing that he's being irrational; he isn't on candid camera and, no, the marines don't live in this part of the city. That said, he doesn't feel the need to tempt fate; he's playing Hide and Seek with his CO. This is going to be embarrassing enough for him when Sheppard grows up without having to worry video evidence.

He searches high and low, going through all the nooks and crannies of every room he can possibly think of to search and, half an hour later, is almost frantic. He's about to notify Elizabeth on comms when John appears in front of him in a flash of blue light.

"I'm bo'ed," the boy says, failing to notice that Evan's a little gobsmacked at his sudden appearance. "_E_-van," John tugs his trousers. "Come on, lets play something diff'went."

John's past him and heading for the door when his brain catches up. He turns and scoops the boy up, turning him around. "Wait a minute, how did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Land on my feet when I couldn't find you anywhere."

"I's good at hide and seek," he says cheekily, knowing fine well that Lorne is asking him more than that.

"John," Evan says, a hint of warning in his tone (the one that always had his nephews 'fessing up).

John rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, but says nothing.

"I can stand here all day, I've got time."

John lets out a long-suffering sigh and says, "I'll just get 'Lantis to magic me away again."

Evan looks at him for a minute, before hiking John onto one hip and tapping his comm. with his free hand. "McKay, I think you're gonna want to see this," he says and heads to the science labs.

Evan lets out a long breath and settles back into his chair. He lets his gaze settle on the sleeping child and groans a little, shifting and letting his spine pop back into place. He really has no idea how Rodney does this day in day out. It exhausts him just the few hours a day that he looks after John. Evan doesn't think that Rodney realises how much respect he has for him, thinks that maybe he should say something, but then every time he starts he trips over his words and has to leave. Janet always told him he wasn't that good at telling people when he admired them, had found it endearing and always smiled at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

He misses Janet. A lot more than he maybe should for someone who'd mutually agreed that maybe they weren't meant to be. But he does. He misses her smiles, he misses her laughter, the frown she always gave him when he came back injured – the one that let him know she was scared that one day he might not come back at all. Ironic, really, that is should be her, the one normally tucked up safe underground in the mountain that should be the one to meet that fate. But most of all, Evan thinks that maybe he misses the possibility of 'one day'.

Evan's never really had to think much about becoming a father. He'd always thought that, with Janet by his side, it was just inevitable.

* * *  
**End**

Yeah, okay, so I snuck in my Janet/Lorne 'ship again. I can't help it, I love it! 


	8. Replacement

**Replacement  
by Kyizi**

**  
Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

**Rating:** PG

**Characters:** Keller, Lorne, four-year-old John, Rodney

**Spoilers:** Season Three, mainly for 'Sunday'.

**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes:** Okay, this is a little different. I mean, yeah, it's set in the wee!John 'verse and he's certainly in it, but this is a lot more about the other characters than the rest of the snippets. It started because **loriel_eris** and I were having a flailing email conversation that involved Lorne (as all good flailing sessions should) and I started going on about how I really wanted him to have someone in wee!John's 'verse, because he'd _lost Janet_ and he's all alone and, yeah, so I was debating Elizabeth (but couldn't see it anymore, what with him having blackmailed and threatened her to do her duty to John) and wanting it to be Keller, but Janet was a medic and _Carson_, but yeah. Anyway, _**she wrote me a wee!John fic**_!! Which is _awesome_! She mixed up some of the wee!John timeline (through no fault of her own, I write it in non-chronological order and don't always make it clear that even the sections in the fics I post aren't all happening in the same day/week etc). So, she's off fixing it and finishing it and it will be posted. But to help her with the fall out of the last fic and how to work in a new relationship with the Janet-ness he's been thinking about, I wrote this...

x x x x x x x

The first time she sees him _after_, her heart breaks. It's not just because he's five years old and lost one of his best friends, not just that he's got so much of the grown up Sheppard in him, it's that she has this feeling that he'll have to live through this pain all over again when he gets back to being himself. And once is more than enough for any of them.

John enters the infirmary at a subdued pace, shuffling along behind McKay's legs in a way that he doesn't do unless he's tired or sick. He's got one hand clutching the back of McKay's trousers and the other gripping the triangle at the top of his cuddly toy -- the one that she's sure Rodney hadn't the heart to try and take from him today. They all need a little comfort sometimes and she can still remember the look on Evan's face when he found her yesterday; like he didn't know which way was up, didn't know if it was day or night and it was almost like looking into a mirror, because two steps and she was falling apart in his arms.

"Hey John," she says softly, her voice catching a little in her throat, as she crouches to his eyelevel.

He sniffs and holds up his hand, sarcificing his toy rather than his grip on Rodney. "Sore," he says and she frowns, spotting the splinter in his finger. It's swolen and red and she has the feeling that it's been there for longer than it should have been. She reaches out and gently takes his hand, trying to figure out how deep it is and how much it's going to hurt the little guy when she takes it out.

Thankfully, it's not too bad and something tells her that he's hurting a lot more elsewhere. Somewhere deep inside his little chest.

"Okay, let's take a look at this," she says and gathers him in her arms for a quick hug.

"Jenn'fe," he says and she looks down at him, as his eyes fill up. "I wan' Cawson."

She swallows and nods. "Me too, John. Me too."

x x x x x x x

She's been in Atlantis a long time; longer than she thinks a lot of people realise, but she's always been happy to sit in the background and follow Carson's schedule, help where she can and just generally take in the wonder around her. She has the gene, not strong enough that anyone would have noticed -- the world doesn't light up for her the way it does for John and Evan and a few of the others -- but enough that she didn't take up Carson's offer of the gene therapy. She gets by and what she can't do on her own, others will gladly do for her. She loves the city, loves the gentle song she sometimes hears in the back of her mind and loves being a part of something so wonderful. She was happy with her life for the first time in a long time. Being CMO wasn't her plan, it wasn't her ambition and she really didn't think that she'd ever enjoy it. She feels almost guilty that she does.

"Jenn'fe."

"Yes, John," she says with a smile, happy to have the little guy to herself for a while. She's always enjoyed John's company -- old or young -- and she loves to watch the city sing for him.

"Is Wodney sick?"

She frowns, puts down the little shirt she was folding and crosses the room to sit by him on the floor. He's playing with the toy fire engine Caldwell brought him back on the Daedalus' last run, but he's not fooling her for a second. He never could.

"John, what makes you think that?"

He shrugs.

"John, if you think Rodney's sick, I need to know so that I can help him."

He stands up and holds out his hand to her. "Show you."

x x x x x x x

Her back is killing her by the time they reach the science labs, but she hadn't wanted to let go of John's hand. Despite Evan's ability to now treat John like any child he loves, Jennifer can't help but remembering that it's the Colonel and would he be happy to know that she'd just plucked him of the ground and settled him onto her hip whenever she felt like it. And she's not ready for whatever else might follow. It's not that she dislikes children, she doesn't; loves them in fact, but she's well aware of Evan's thoughts on the matter and isn't sure she's ready to go there. Not yet. He lost a lot when his last real relationship ended and the thought of meeting his almost-step-daughter kind of scares the crap out of her. She's not ready to complicate matters further.

John turns to her and holds his finger over his mouth, shushing her before she can make a sound and tugging on her hand a little. They creep forward and look into the room. There's the normal hustle and bustle of the science team; Radek and Miko conversing over a laptop that seems to be beeping every few minutes, Erin typing furiously on another and Irina and Rajesh running tests in the background. There are other people coming in and out of the adjoining room in the background and chatter filtering through, but it's Rodney that has her attention. He's hunched over his laptop, his face taut and drawn and suddenly she wonders how on earth she missed it.

Rodney's exhausted. Not just tired, but looking like he's at the onset of a deep-to-the-bone exhaustion that is killing him by inches. She knows that Carson and John were his best friends, knows that she's so very grateful that she didn't have to see his face the day he came back to Evan's room looking for the only thing he had left of them; the five year old child that seems to know so much and yet be so much less than Rodney needs. Through no fault of his own. But what's worse is that Jeniifer is pretty sure that John knows; somehow she thinks he just knows that he's meant to be more than he is.

She catches Radek watching her, sees the look of relief in his eyes that she'll do something and suddenly all that pressure of being CMO is once again on her shoulders. Another gentle tug on her hand and she looks down to see the same look reflected in John's eyes.

She takes a deep breath and enters the lab, bringing John along with her for support, but whether she's supporting him, or he her, she's not entirely sure.

"Rodney," she says softly and the man jerks as if a gun has just fired right next to him.

"What? What's wrong? John, are you hurt?" He's off his chair in seconds and Jennifer can see a raw panic on his face that almost kills her.

"He's fine, Rodney! He's fine!" She crouches down, both of them now level with John.

"But you not," John says softly. He sniffs. "Jenn'fe take ca' of you."

"I...I'm fine, I'm-"

Jennifer reaches out a hand to squeeze Rodney's arm. "You're not fine, Rodney. And you're scaring John. You're scaring all of us. Come on."

It's a testement to just how exhausted he is that he comes without another word.

x x x x x x x

"Is Wodney gonna be okay?" John asks as she settles him down for the night.

"Rodney's going to be fine, John. I promise. He was just tired." Jennifer resists the urge to lean over and ruffle his hair. "He's going to sleep in the infirmary tonight, where Ryan and Alissa can look after him. And I'll take care of you until he's better, or until Teyla and Ronon get back."

John nods solemly. "Wodney's gonna fix me," he says decicively, glancing up to see Evan smiling at them from the doorway.

It takes a moment for what he's said to sink in, but they look at each other in shock, before Evan crosses the room to crouch down at her knees, reaching a hand up to ruffle John's hair and she feels a moment of jealousy that she doesn't feel she has the right to do the same.

"John," Evan says. "Do you understand what it is that Rodney's trying to fix?"

John shakes his head, then shrugs a little, like maybe he does know more than he's letting on. "Nope. But Jeannie and Kabe said he's gonna make it all bette'. But fi'st, Jenn'fe has to make Wodney bette'."

Evan grins up at her and she feels her heart skip a little. "She will." He turns back to John, leaning up and over him to tickle him. John squeals and she hits Evan on the back.

"We're supposed to be calming him down for bed." She notices the exchanged glances a little too late and before she knows it, she's bodily covered by a tickling five year old and Evan's deft fingers are already in the ticklish spots at the sides of her hips. She screams and laughs until she too exhausted to move and finally John yawns, stretches out on top of her and falls asleep before she can even think about moving.

She lets out an exhausted groan and tries to move. John's effectively pinning her to the bed and, whilst he's very small and skinny for his age, he's heavy enough to make moving difficult. She grins and turns her head to find Evan looking at her with something in his eyes that makes her stop thinking at all.

x x x x x x x

They've never really talked about kids. Never really talked about Janet, either, but then Evan finds it hard to talk about the important things. She understands that, understands that it's all about his actions. But there are times -- times she's likely to remember in minute detail until the day she dies -- that he'll just blurt something out unexpectedly and her heart will jump into her throat and she'll find herself speechless whilst he stutters and stammers out what he wants to say. Ineloquently and just so very Evan and she finds that it's enough to make her want to just hand over her heart and never ask for it back. She isn't entirely sure she hasn't done that anyway, possibly had already done it before he first said those three important words. It seems so long ago, when she thinks back and remembers that it was the first day they had a pint-sized John on their hands, but she can recall the memory like it was yesterday. And then there's Janet. That ghost in the room that she sometimes feels she could never compare with, because no matter that they called it off before he lost her, he'll always love her, because Jennifer's pretty sure they weren't finished saying goodbye before she died. And Cassie's as much his as if her were her real father.

"Penny for them."

She jerks and looks up, smiling as he simply plucks her out of the chair and sits down, settling her on his lap. They both stare at the child in Jennifer's bed in silence. Sometimes she thinks she's not so good at this stuff herself.

"He knows, doesn't he?" she says evenutally. They'll get around to her thoughts soon enough, but she wants to know that she's not the only one who's figured it out.

Evan sighs, his arms tightening around her a little. "Yeah. Yeah, I think he does. Or he knows something. I don't think he _remembers_ so much as he's heard a lot more than he was ever meant to."

"I'll miss him, but then I remember that I _already_ miss him. He used to come into the infirmary some nights. I think he'd come on auto pilot whenever Rodney was there. He'd pretend he was coming to see Carson about something, but he just wanted to look out for his team. After a while, he'd come in when I was on night shift sometimes, not because anyone was there, but just to talk and keep me company."

"He didn't sleep much," Evan murmurs and she nods.

"I know. I offered him something once and he just gave me this look and said he'd be fine. I used to think he was untouchable. I mean, he came in hurt so many times, but... he always got out of it and... I keep waking up and thinking, this is the last day we'll have him like this, because his lucks about to come back and he'll be the Colonel again."

"Rodney will fix it."

"I know, I've never doubted that-"

"Sometimes I think we're the only ones who never do."

She smiles at him. "No, we're not. There are a lot of people who have faith that Rodney will fix this. They just lose it sometimes, because things happen and they know that the Colonel could help, but he's not here. And I know we'll get him back, I just..." She looks at John again, sleeping soundly and letting out little sighs in his sleep. "I'll miss him."

"Yeah."

She remembers the first time Evan came back from the nine hour babysitting stint Rodney had forced on him. Remembers all the times since when she's wished she'd had a camera and the times when she _had_ had a camera. But Evan very quickly got over thinking about John as Sheppard (had had to given the number of times the little tyke had stripped naked and gone for a jog around the city) and she knows he encouraged Rodney to think about doing the same, because they need to care for John as he is; he's a child and he needed them to remember that, too.

"Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you and Janet had had kids?"

She feels him freeze, his hands stopping the gentle, soothing movement up and down her arms and she almost wishes she'd kept her mouth shut.

"I... sometimes. I guess."

She nods. "You never really talk about her. I don't expect you to," she hurries on, turning to face him. "I just... I mean, this must be hard."

He takes a deep breath. "I think about her sometimes," he says and she can't help but feel like he's just stamped on her heart and handed it back. "But..." he signs and closes his eyes. "I'm not good at this. You know I'm not." She nods, but she won't let him off the hook; she needs to hear this. "I loved Janet. A lot. She and Cassie were my whole life for a long time. Cassie still is, I guess. Doesn't matter how far away she is. But... we weren't meant to be."

"You don't know that. You don't know what would have happened."

"That's true, but I do know what _wouldn't_ have happened." She frowns and he shifts a little, sitting up straighter and rubbing his hands over his face. She's still sitting on his lap, curled up and clutching at her legs now. "Janet and I could have got married. We could have had kids, built a life, been happy and content. But that's not what we wanted." At her frown, he smiles. "It took a long time for us to realise that we wanted so much more for each other. I wanted her to have someone who could give her the whole world and make her feel like she deserved it. I wanted her to meet someone..." he takes a moment to keep himself composed and she reaches out to take his hand. "I wanted her to be loved by someone who wanted her so much that it blinded him and made him cherish the ground she walked on. I loved Janet, but not like that. And she wanted me to have the same. We were best friends, who loved each other very much. But I wasn't _in_ love with her by the end. And she wasn't in love with me."

She stays very still, staring not at him, but at their joined hands. She knows he's watching her, knows he's waiting for her to finish processing.

"You know," she says softly, a few moments later. "I think that's the most I've _ever_ heard you say."

He lets out a huff of air that isn't quite laughter. When she remains quiet, he uses his free hand to tilt her chin until she's looking at him. "I think about kids, too," he says softly, glancing briefly at John. "And I think about you. All the time."

Her breath catches and she smiles slowly. "I think about you, too."

"We're not quite there yet, are we?"

"Not yet," she agrees, almost wishing it wasn't true. "You're still not over her."

"I am," he argues. "I'm just not over losing my best friend. Speak to Rodney, he'll tell you it takes a while."

"Don't say it like that, that's not fair."

He sighs. "I know, I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"You'll never be her, Jenny, and I don't want you to be." He tugs on her chin until his lips brush over hers. "I want you to be _you_. Only you. For as long as you want me."

"Even if that's a really long time?"

"Especially then."

x x x x x x x

"Jenn'fe', is Wodney _weally_ bette'?"

"Yes, John," she says, once again banking the urge to just scoop him up. It's been two years, she really should be used to it by now. "He's had lots of rest and he's ready to take care of you again."

"Good," he nods decisively. "I like stayin' wif you and Evan, though."

She grimaces. She knows John's seen them together, spent time with them together, many times before, but this is the first time he's stayed with them both for over two days. She supposes it's rare enough to have more than a few nights where they actually get to be together.

"John, do you know what a secret is?" The boy nods, regarding her warily. "Well, you see, Evan and I together, we're kind of a secret."

John looks at her like she's a little crazy. "That's silly."

"Maybe, but...well, for now..."

"I can keep a secwet."

She grins. "Atta boy."

There's a noise from behind her as Rodney bumbles into the room. He looks better than she's seen him for a long time and there's a determination in his eyes that makes her smile. She's never doubted Rodney's ability to get John back to himself, because she's seen what this team, what this entire city is cabable of when it comes to looking after their own. But it's when she sees that look in Rodney's eyes that she just _knows_ it won't be much longer.

"Feeling better?" she asks, already knowing what he'll say.

"I was fine," he protests and she smiles indulgently. "But...yes. Thank you. I guess."

She nods and he reaches down to ruffle John's hair, glaring the minute he spots the stuffed toy at the boy's feet. Sometimes she thinks John hates the thing, too, but keeps it just to bug Rodney.

"So, is everything okay?" she asks, referring to the comm call from Elizabeth that had him running out of the infirmary about twenty minutes before.

"Yes, yes. Disaster averted. Again."

"Thank you," she says, startling him. It's not like everyone in the city doesn't know that he's usually the one to fix things, but she supposes it's rare that he hears how much they appreciate it.

"Well...yes," he blusters. "I should think so. And. Well. You're welcome." He clears his throat, avoiding looking at her. "So, I need to finish things up in the lab. Can you... I mean-"

She grins and looks down at John. "What do you say to one more night sleepover, John?"

The boy grins and nods, clearly just happy to have Rodney back in working order. It's not as if it's unknown for John to stay with other people in the city, although it's usually Teyla or Evan, and she's glad she's trusted enough to look after the boy.

"Excellent. Thank the Major for me, too."

She blinks and opens her mouth a few times. "Oh...I don't- I mean wh-"

"Oh, please," Rodney rolls his eyes. "Even I'm not _that_ oblivious." He says goodbye to John, whilst she's still trying to recapture her voice and before she knows it, she's standing in the room with just a grinning five year old.

"See, silly."

"Oh, God." She wants to ask. Wants to know how many people know, whether they've been fooling _anyone_ and why no one _told_ her they knew. She wonders if Evan knows that their secret's out and whether or not he cares.

"Jenn'fe'," John says, startling her out of her thoughts. He yawns. "I'm sleepy."

"Okay, bedtime."

She wants to much to just scoop him up into her arms and carry him back to Evan's room, but she won't. She wants the Colonel to come back, wants him to want to look her up on nightshifts and be normal again, so she won't. She walks to the door, but soon realises no one is following her.

"John?" she asks, heading back to the spot she left him.

John cocks his head to the side, gives her a full blown smile -- the kind she's not had from him since before Carson died and she 'took his place' -- and holds his arms out to her. She starts, takes a moment to realise what he's asking of her and then her hand flies to her heart as she says, "oh", sounding a little awed. Evan's words ring in her head again and she can almost see him not-quite-berating them all in the conference room again.

_We've got to remember that he's a little boy. He needs us to remember that._

"Yeah," she says softly to herself. "He does."

Smiling, she reaches down to him and picks him up, settling him on her hip as he yawns, rubs his eyes and then nuzzles into her neck for a moment before sticking his thumb in his mouth and promptly falling asleep. She carries him down the corridor, pretty sure she's smiling like a loon the whole way to Evan's room.

She palms the door open, not even realising that she hasn't bothered to check the corridor to see if it's empty (two botanists and a marine having a conversation about ten feet away suddenly have something new to discuss), and spots Evan immediately. He's sprawled face first on his desk, his entire body contorted into a position that he's going to hate himself for later. She rolls her eyes and leaves him for the time being, getting John ready for bed and trying not to make indulgent, gleeful noises at the adorable sounds the little boy makes. After he's curled up on the spare mattress they've had set out for him, she turns back to the man drooling on his paperwork and crosses the room.

"Evan," she says softly, brushing her lips against his cheek. "Come on, sleepy head, time for bed."

He stirs and turns his head for a quick kiss. "I'm not John, you know," he mutters, groaning as he sits up and stretches. She laughs and pulls him to his feet.

They get read for bed, much in the same way they have the last few night; quietly, so as not to wake John, and following a routine she didn't even know they had. They're curled up, Evan holding her from behind, his chin on her shoulder, when she speaks again.

"So apparently we're not as much of a secret as I thought," she says, almost afraid about what his reaction might be. She's not expecting his soft laughter. "You _knew_!" she accuses, twisting, so that she's looking at him.

"I'm the Military CO in charge of the base," he says, his eyes twinkling. "Of course I knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugs. "You wanted to get used to it. You needed to get used to it. And you needed to be ready to accept that I'll always think about Janet, but that doesn't mean that I'm still in love with her."

"Yeah," she says softly, finally, possibly letting herself believe that maybe he's telling the truth about his relationship with Janet. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"You about done?"

She smacks his arm. "Go to sleep, Evan."

"Good night, Jennifer."

"I swear to God, the next words out of your mouth had better not be 'Good Night, John Boy' or you're sleeping on the floor."

She settles herself back against him as he laughs, her gaze falling on the boy sleeping a few feet away, and wonders if maybe they're closer to being there than they think.

x x x x x x x

**End**


	9. Prodigy

**Prodigy**

By Kyizi

**Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

**Rating:** PG

**Characters:** Five-year-old John, Rodney, mentions of others.

**Spoilers:** Season Three.

**Feedback:** Is a gift. It's nice to give :)

**Notes: **Okay, so this is likely the last snippet before I buckle down and write the main fic. It seemed only right to let wee!John himself have the final say…

* * *

There are some days when Atlantis doesn't quite sing to him in the same way. When he was little, he didn't understand it properly and he's still not entirely sure he gets it now, but Atlantis is worried and busy and talking to other people. Whatever it is, John's come to the conclusion that it must be important and he really doesn't mind when she talks to Evan and he likes that sometimes she'll whisper to Jennifer and make her eyes light up and her smile get bigger, as he watches her bounce on the tips of her toes.

It makes him sad to know that she can't talk to Rodney.

John doesn't know, exactly, when it was that he figured out that he wasn't quite right. Just knows that, sometimes, he remembers things that don't make sense; like flying in planes and playing football and drinking beer. He used to think that it was someone else he dreamed of, someone that Altantis was mixing up inside his head, but then she sang something to him, showed him where to look and what to find and he realised that she was trying to help.

John's been getting bigger for nearly three years now – he's almost six and soon he'll be big enough that Ronon won't glare at him when John asks to use his gun – and he knows that the older he gets, the sadder if makes Rodney. He knows what it's like to feel sad, because he remembers Carson's smiles and laughter, remembers the gruff cadence of his voice that tickled his ears and made him feel safe and happy and he hates that he makes Rodney sad. Wishes there was something he could do to make it all go away, make it all better and be fixed.

He doesn't quite know what's wrong with him, knows only what Atlantis sings to him in his sleep and the things he overhears that he isn't meant to. He knows Elizabeth is sad and tries not to be mad at her, because he knows that she tried to take him away from Rodney, knows that she doesn't speak to Evan much anymore because he made her let John stay. He tried to tell her it would be okay once, but she looked like she was going to cry and he hadn't quite known what to do, so he'd handed over his toy and told her to look after it for a bit; he doesn't even like it that much anymore, but he thinks it's funny to watch Rodney's eyes bug out of his head and his face get all red every time he sees it. He hasn't told Evan that he knows what the man did to keep him here, but he smiles brighter every time they play and he tries really hard to let Evan know that he wants to be like him when he's big again.

John sighs, feeling put-out that Atlantis is still ignoring him and Rodney's off being all worried somewhere with Lorne and Elizabeth, and tries to ignore the feeling that he should be doing something to help. He knows that Altantis will tell him if there's something they need to know that they can't quite work out yet, but the waiting is so _boring_.

He was supposed to be with Jen this afternoon, but she's busy helping Jason and Asma, who both got hurt when they were off-world (John remembers being off-world; remembers running and shooting and exploring and laughing and being scared with Teyla, Ronon and Rodney and thinks that he can't wait until he's fixed and everything's more exciting and back to the way it was meant to be) and, instead, he's being babysat by Miko.

John likes Miko. Although she sometimes giggles at him and coos the way the others do, she always talks to him like he's a grown up. John knows he doesn't always talk properly, that he drops letters and misses out words, but his head is always so busy trying to keep up with everything Atlantis is telling him that it doesn't really bother him much. But he likes that Miko will ask him questions about the maths that Rodney's teaching him and likes that she shows him letters that look like houses and words made of pictures that all spell out sentences in a language he thinks sounds kind of magical.

She's talking on her headpiece now – Rodney still won't let him have one of his own – and he can hear the tremble in her voice; the short staccato that tells him she's worried and wishing she could babble in her own language, but can't, because _he _understands more than the rest of the science team combined.

"You are sure?" She glances at John out of the corner of her eyes and he frowns.

"Miko?"

She holds up a finger to stall him and waits until she's finished her conversation. "John, I must go to help Rodney. I have to take you to Kate now."

John scrunches up his nose. "I can stay hew' and be good. I'm a big boy now, Miko, I'm nea'ly six," he says, rolling his eyes, but he can see by the slight smirk on her face that she's on to him. It's not that he doesn't like Kate, but she keeps asking John how he's _feeling_ and what he _remembers _and asks him about his parents and all the things he doesn't want to talk about because he has Rodney and wants to keep him and Evan and Teyla and Jen and Ronon and everyone else on Atlantis. And she never believes him when he shrugs and tells her he's thinking about chocolate and feeling hungry. Even when he _is_ thinking about chocolate and feeling hungry. Which he sometimes is.

"_P'ease_, Miko," he whines and she glances at her watch and relents.

"Okay, but you must stay here."

John nods and at least has the courtesy to wait until she runs completely out of the room before letting Atlantis sweep him away in a beam of blue light.

* * *

When the emergency is over and Rodney's given him a row for disappearing on them and toying with danger (he was only playing and he had no intention of jumping _off _the pier, he's not stupid), John finds himself curled up in the corner of the lab with some logic problems Rodney found in Atlantis' computers. He's done five of them and he's already bored, so he glances around the lab to see if what's going on is more interesting that what he's doing.

Rodney and Radek are busy with reports; Erin and Rajesh are smirking at their screens, so he knows that they're actually playing cards with each other, but trying not to let Radek and Rodney find out; Irina and Paul are both working with ancient devices, plugged into their laptops (he would tell them that Irina's is a toy and Paul's is a bomb, but both are broken and he thinks it's kind of funny to see what they come up with and more funny to correct them if they get it wrong); and Kavanagh…well, now that looks like fun.

He crosses the room slowly, taking the time to read all of the numbers and symbols, turning them around in his head until the make sense. There are some bit he doesn't know, so he asks Atlantis, his eyes widening when she seems only too happy to help him. She sometimes doesn't let him know things and he thinks it's because she wants him to find them out himself. But then John's pretty sure that even _she_ doesn't like the snarky scientist John's fast approaching. He smirks as he walks past Kavanagh, hands tucked into his pockets.

"That's wrong," he says casually, eyes bright with laughter. He says it loud enough that everyone turns to look and he has to try not to laugh when he sees Rodney turn and look at him gleefully.

"What would you know," Kavanagh says disdainfully, looking down on him and John just cocks an eyebrow and has to resist the urge to kick the man in the shin. Instead, he reaches out for the spare red marker for the white board and stands on the pile of books on the floor, his hands moving quickly, crossing out symbols, correcting decimals and finishing the equation to conclusion.

Without another word, he steps down, puts the marker back and smirks at the scientist once more before crossing the room to Rodney's desk. Radek chuckles, walking past him and squeezing his shoulder, but he's more interested in the way Rodney's looking at him, a mixture of pride and love and friendship and a small undercurrent of recognition that John knows he doesn't really understand, but it makes him feel like the most amazing thing in the universe.

Sometimes, John thinks that he'd learn anything Rodney wanted if the man would just promise to _always _look at him like that.

* * *

John wakes up slowly, listens to the inflection in Atlantis' voice, listens to the sounds she's making and wonders what's different. He frowns and rolls over, slipping his feet into the blue spiderman slippers Jeannie, Kaleb and Maddie got him for Christmas last. He glances over at the bed, sees that Teyla is sound asleep and heads for the door, willing it open. He knows, realistically, that the sound of the door swishing open and closed is louder than the 'transporter beam' (as Rodney calls it), but Teyla reacts very quickly to light, but the sounds of Atlantis are not enough to wake her unless the city wants them to.

When he's outside the door, he glances either way, making sure that none of the marines on duty (Mark and Jamie – he remembers from the rota he watched Evan making up on Thursday) are nearby.

When he's sure he's alone, he closes his eyes and lets Atlantis take him where she thinks he should be.

* * *

"It's…but…"

John frowns, turning around and walking down the empty corridor. He's not sure where he is, but Rodney's voice is as familiar to him as his own. He takes a moment to consider where he is, asks Atlantis to show him and suddenly the map is there, inside his head. He's in the one place Rodney asked him to never go. Not until he took John himself.

That thought makes him stop. Makes him wonder if he should really be here, but Atlantis gives him a thought that feels like a hug; a gentle _gonowbecarefulbehappy_ and he smiles and runs towards the light shining into the corridor.

When he reaches the doorway, there's a hum that sounds almost familiar, tugs at his mind in the same way that thoughts of ferris wheels and college football and home baked apple pie and red underpants do. He frowns, slowly taking his eyes of the strange humming machine in the centre of the room and his eyes lock on Rodney, sitting on the floor hugging his knees.

Rodney's back is to him, but John can read a million things in Rodney's eyes and his smiles and even in the way he moves and sits and walks. Right now, Rodney's sad, so John does the only thing he can think of and crosses the room, wrapping his arms around Rodney's neck from behind.

Rodney jerks. "John?" he asks, surprised. He turns, awkwardly in John's tight grasp, and tugs the boy around and into his lap. "What are you doing here?"

"Lantis sent me," John replies, frowning and looking up at deep blue eyes he knows so well. "Why a' you sad, Wodney?"

"I'm…I'm not. Not really. I just…it's…"

"Lantis says you fixed it, but what did you fix?"

"I…" Rodney trails off, his eyes get wet and, for a brief moment, John thinks he might cry.

"Don't be sad." John takes a moment to let Atlantis tell him things, takes a moment to try to understand, but isn't really sure he ever will. Not like this. So instead he smiles up at Rodney and hugs him.

"John, I…"

"It's okay, Wodney," he says and it really is. "You can fix me now."

"Yes," Rodney says softly. "Yes, I can."

John nods and settles into the tight embrace Rodney's offering him. "Not 'til mo'ning," he says with a yawn. "We need to wait for Lizbet and Evan and Jen and Teyla and Wonon and evwyone. It's bette' that way."

"Yes," Rodney says and John feels him finally relax. "Yes, we'll wait until morning."

Atlantis dims the lights when John asks and he's vaguely aware of Rodney moving them back against a wall. For once his friend doesn't complain about sitting on the floor, or needing to sleep in his bed, or any of the things that Rodney usually has to say. Instead, Rodney just holds him, rests his chin on John's head and doesn't say anything for a long time.

Just as he's falling asleep, he thinks he hears Rodney say "I'll miss you" and has enough time to think that maybe Rodney really does think John's most amazing thing in the universe and wonder if maybe John should have told Rodney that that's what he thinks about _him_.

He can tell that things won't be the same tomorrow, can tell that Rodney's holding him tight now because John's going away and he really wishes he knew where. He really doesn't understand why things will be different and he can't explain how he knows that things will be better. He thinks that, maybe, if he didn't trust Rodney quite so much, he'd be a little scared by the farewell the man was wrapping him in. But he does trust Rodney and he knows that things are going to change. He knows that they're going to be better.

And as he falls asleep, he thinks that maybe even Atlantis is telling him goodbye.

* * *


	10. Not a Creature Was Stirring

**Not a Creature Was Stirring  
By Kyizi**

**Disclaimer:** Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Rating:** PG  
**Characters:** Three-year-old John, Rodney and others  
**Spoilers:** Nothing mentioned.

**Notes:** Okay, so I hadn't intended to write anymore snippets, as I was working on the main fic. But it was Christmas, so I thought I'd give a wee glimpse of wee!John's first Christmas on Atlantis.

x x x x x

"Wodney…"

"What?" Rodney snaps, his fingers still tapping furiously across his keypad.

"Can Weindee fwy in 'pace?"

"What?" He turns, frowning at the three year old who is frowning right back at him. "Reindeer?"

"If Santa flies awound Eff-"

"_Earth_."

"I said Eff!" John's puts his hands on his hips and waits for Rodney to roll his eyes and motion for him to continue. "If he flies wound Eff on Kissmass Eve…will he have time to come foo 'pace and give me pesents?"

Rodney's eyes widen and he moves his mouth a little, but nothing comes out. He glances around, but none of his minions are in sight. "I…of course he will," he manages finally.

"But how?"

"Because…" And _oh, God_ this is _actually_ going to make him _choke_. "Because…Santa's…magic," he grinds out.

"Magic?" John's eyes say 'yeah, right, sure thing, Rodney' and he lets out a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, I never bought that either," Rodney says, relieved. But now he's stuck until a panel lights up on his left. "Santa's sled was made by the ancients, so yes, he can fly through space."

John's eyes light up and he nods. "Okay."

"Now, go find Teyla."

"Can I have a wadio?"

"Little people don't get radios."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so." And he was going to have to go kill himself before he turned into his mother.

"Will you help me find Teya?"

"Fine, but then I don't want to see you for at least eight hours."

"Fwee hous!"

"This is not a bargaining-"

"Okay, fou."

"Seven."

"Fou."

"Fine, six."

"Fou."

"You're supposed to…_fine_, four."

x x x x x

"You're leaving tomorrow, right?"

Lorne blinks at him and nods. "It's nice to know you're so desperate to get rid of me, McKay, I didn't know you cared."

"Major."

"Yeah, I leave tomorrow, McKay. I'm spending a few weeks with Cassie before I bring back the new recruits for Christmas cover, so some of our guys can get home."

"Yes, good, I need you to buy things."

"Okay…care to be a little more specific, Doc?"

"Presents! John's already thinking about the specifics of Santa _flying_ through space and as much as I would like to tell him that the fat old man doesn't exist-"

"McKay, you didn't!"

"Of course I didn't!" Rodney barks out, insulted. "I may hate children, but this is… of _course_ I didn't."

Lorne closes his eyes for a moment. "Of course, you didn't. Sorry."

"Look, you need to get…stuff, I don't care what, you can have one of my credit cards. Just get him things he'll like and maybe some new clothes, before I get used to seeing him in the dead animals Teyla and Halling think he should be wearing."

Lorne snickers. "Sure thing, McKay. Cassie will make sure he's the best dressed kid in the universe."

"Yes, well, fine." He shifts for a moment. "Get her something, too."

Lorne smiles. "You getting soft in your old age, McKay?"

Rodney glares at him. "I meant something useful. She's likely to be one of the next generation of Stargate scientists. I'm just…ensuring the future of the space exploration."

"It's okay, your secret's safe with me." Lorne's grin widens when Rodney clenches his fists. "The _Daedalus_ is due back Christmas Eve, so I guess you want me to wrap them, too?"

"That's what store workers are paid for."

"McKay."

"What? Look, just…I want him to have… I mean, he's still a kid and he should remember…"

"Hey, he knows you look out for him. You'll fix him, McKay." Lorne resumes packing his case. "And in the meantime, we'll make sure he has a great Christmas."

"Okay." Rodney makes it out of the door before saying a soft 'thank you'. He doesn't turn around to see Lorne's indulgent smile.

x x x x x

"'s nealy Kissmass, Wodney."

"Yes, I know. I could hardly _not_ know because you've reminded me _every day for the last week_."

"Will Evan be back soon?"

"Who?"

John rolls his eyes and looks a Teyla across the breakfast table. She smiles and looks at Rodney. "He is talking about Major Lorne. I believe Evan will return on Christmas Eve, John."

"Just in time fo Santa!"

"That is correct."

John leans over to try and grab something from Ronon's plate and the man glares at him and pretends to try and grab John's hand to eat. It's become something of a morning ritual and Rodney's at a complete loss to explain how repeating the same action every day can still cause the boy to let out peals of insane giggles every time.

"Can you babysit the terror today?" Rodney asks and Teyla shakes her head.

"Ronon and I will be accompanying Major Lorne's team to Pakala in his absence. You cannot spend time with him yourself?" she asks and oh, he hates it when she words it like that, as if he's purposefully ignoring the boy. Which Rodney doesn't think is fair, because he only does that sometimes now.

"I'm working on the device."

"Rodney," Teyla says, lowering her voice so that John (who's still playing 'Ronon's going to eat me') can't hear her. "I understand that you are working hard to fix this, but he will not be John Sheppard again by Christmas and I understand that this holiday is of great importance to children of your kind. You should spend time with him. Elizabeth says children enjoy making cards and gifts for their loved ones. I believe Doctor Pollock is excellent at crafts, perhaps she could help you with ideas?"

Rodney doesn't really know why she bothers posing these things like a question, because what she really means is ' You _will_ be doing as I say, so there's no point arguing'.

x x x x x

"No! Stop that!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want red _glitter-glue_ on my favourite t-shirt!"

John looks put out, but relinquishes the offending item. Really, Rodney's beginning to question his decision to bring Doctor Pollock to Pegasus. The woman might be one of the best in her field, but, seriously, who in their right mind brings coloured card, _glitter-glue_, and _felt_ to another galaxy? He'd drawn the line at taking the sequins and stringed beading (he didn't want to ask if she had strung each tiny bead onto the thread herself, because he was afraid of the answer) for the cards as well. And really, what on earth possessed him to go along with Teyla's idea (aside from the fact that she can actually _maim_ him with her _pinkie_), because Rodney's seen his room in various states of disaster, especially in the months since Sheppard turned into a psychotic tiny person, but he has no idea what's worse; the bits of felt glued to _every surface_, or the lines of coloured glitter-glue now decorating the lower half of _every wall in his room_. He'd only been in the bathroom for _two minutes_.

"The'e! That's Lizbet's and that's Wonon's and dat's Teya's."

"Good, good, very nice… what is it?"

"Wodney!"

"What?"

John sighs. "Lizbet's got a Kissmass tee, Wonon's gots a Baka-"

"A _what_?"

"A Baka. Wonon says on 'Teda they don't have Kissmass, but they have a day when all the childen have to put thei' hats on the window and the Baka comes to visit at night and fills it wif socks and nice things to eat. See, dey's his gween head."

"Yes, of course it is."

"And Teya's got an angel."

"Good, good, are we done?"

"No! I still have to make Evan's and Cawson's and Jennife's and Miko's and Wadeks and Katie's and-"

"You'll never be finished by Christmas!"

"Yes, I will!"

"Not at this rate!"

"I will!"

"You will not!"

"I will, too!"

"You will …_fine_!"

"Okay, let's stawt wif…Cawson! Wodney, what's a Heeyand Coo?"

x x x x x

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse-"

"Lantis' got mice?"

"No, John," Elizabeth says with a smile. "Atlantis doesn't have mice, but a lot of houses on Earth do."

"Okay. Lantis isn't a house, she's a city."

"That's right. Would you like me to finish the story, or do you want to go to sleep now. Or do you want to sing more carols? I'm sure Katie will come back if we ask her to."

"That's okay, Lantis sings to me if I ask he' to."

"She does?"

John nods and smiles. "But it's not Kissmass songs. I like the one wif the wittle town of Beth'em, it's pwetty. And I like Cawson's Kissmass Dundee cake!"

Elizabeth laughs and leans down to speak in his ear. "So did I."

"I know, we saw you sneak anothe' piece."

"I did not!"

"Lia', lia', pants on fia!"

Elizabeth tickles him until he's breathless and limp in her arms, still giggling softly. "Time for bed, little man," she says and then gets that sad look in her eye that John doesn't like. He sees it a lot when she looks at him, usually right before she makes Rodney mad and John gets sent away so they can argue. He wishes he could make her smile all the time.

She tucks him in, but he won't settle down, instead shaking his head and crossing his arms. "Not until Wodney says goodnight!" he demands. "And he pwomised Evan would come back today and he's not and I want to see Evan for Kissmass, too."

"I know you do and I promise they're trying very hard to get here. Ronon and Teyla and Rodney went to get him."

"They'll be back in time for Santa?"

"I hope so, John," she says, frowning and it's only because he can tell that she really wants them home for Christmas, too, that he relents.

"Okay. Night Litzabet!"

She laughs and leans down to give him a hug, kissing him on the forehead. "Good night, John. Sleep well and maybe you'll have presents in the morning."

"You, too!"

"Maybe, if I've been good."

John smiles sleepily and yawns. "You's always good, Lizbet. Even when it makes you sad. Night."

And Elizabeth watches over him, sadly, stroking his hair and hoping that Rodney and the others will be back in time.

x x x x x

"Shh! It's okay, go back to sleep."

"Wodney?" John rubs his eyes blearily and blinks up as Rodney shifts him aside and crawls into the bed.

"Why are you sleeping in my bed, you monster?" he asks, half asleep himself.

"'s cosy."

"Fine, but tomorrow you're back in your box."

"It's not a box!"

"Just go to sleep."

There's a slight pause, but Rodney can tell he's thinking and tries not to groan. He's tired, his body _aches_ and he wants some rest before John goes so hyperactive in the morning he gets sick. Saving Lorne's ass wasn't easy and he never really gets enough credit, he thinks, just a small thank you and that's about it. Although, Lorne's better than most, at least he says thank you.

"What?" he asks finally, unable to wait for John to come to the questions, likely _just_ as he's falling asleep.

"Wodney…has Santa been yet?"

"You're not allowed to find out until morning. The tree is in the mess and I am not moving."

"Okay," John responds, sounding put out.

"Go to sleep."

"Okay, good night, Wodney."

"Good night."

Rodnye's just about to fall asleep when he feels a wet kiss on his cheek. "Happy Kissmass, Wodney. Wuv you."

"Eh…you…you, too," he says softly, awkwardly. "Now go to sleep."

"Okay," John whispers and then says, "Twas the night befo'e Kissmass and all thoo the house, not a cweatu' was stiwwing, not even a mouse-"

And with a snuffle and a quick snuggle closer for warmth, they both fall asleep with Atlantis singing around them.

x x x x x

**End of Not a Creature Was Stirring**

**Notes:** When John asks what a 'Heeyand Coo' is, he's asking what a Highland Cow is. My friend and I call them Heeland Coos! And I know there are a lot of people who actually pronounce it that way (but with less amusement that we do!).

x x x x x


	11. Life in Miniature Motion: A Snippet

**Author Note: **Okay, so three will be more snippets at some point (mainly because I have about half a dozen of them started), but in the meantime, I am about to start posting the full story of wee!john. So, please take the time to nip over and read Life in Miniature Motion if you want to see more of this 'verse.

_**Here's a snippet from Chapter One:**_

"Rodney!"

Elizabeth's voice isn't enough to stop him, but the sniffle right by his ear is. Alarmed, he looks down at the kid, wide-eyed.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't cry!" he pleads and tries a smile. He knows he's failed even before he sees the comically confused look on the boy's face. At least his reaction seems to have staved off the crying.

"Rodney, my decision is final." Elizabeth says, taking advantage of his distraction. "Now I expect you to accommodate for the Colonel for the time being. Dismissed." And she leaves the room before he has so much as a moment to figure out how to stop her.

"Wodney?"

Brought back to the situation at hand, Rodney glances at the boy, looks around the room just in time to see Ronon's smirk and Teyla's smile (he just _knows_ she's laughing at him on the inside) as they slip out of the room. Leaving him alone with Colonel Shorty, who's currently blinking up at him with eyes that, _damnit_, should not be that appealingly innocent. Rodney reminds himself that he hates kids once more, just to make him feel better, before reassuring himself that he's a genius and he can totally handle this.

"Wodney, we go pay now?"

"Pay?" He frowns, takes a second to try and access some semblance of three-year-old-translator that might be lurking in is mind and comes up with only one possible solution. "Geniuses don't play."

John just looks at him in a way that's painfully familiar and drawls, "_Wod_-ney."

"This is just so wrong," he mumbles and stands up, remembering at the last moment to keep hold of the kid before it tumbles to the ground. His mind is whirling off in a million and one different directions which, to be fair, isn't really that different to his usual mental state. The difference is that, this time, all those directions have the same focus and how typical, Rodney thinks, that it _would_ be Colonel John Sheppard that finally gets his brain focussed on the one topic, without even the smallest portion of his mind wondering how to improve the output of the power regulators on level thirteen, or the incorrect equations Kavanagh had been scrawling all over the lab's whiteboards before he'd gone on the mission to Alekesh and had that really only been 21 hours ago?

He swings into the corridor leading to the military personnel quarters without even thinking and it isn't until he's already palmed open the door to Sheppard's empty quarters that he realises what he's doing. He freezes in the doorway, only peripherally aware that the boy in his arms is craning his neck to see into the room, and Rodney doesn't know what the hell he's supposed to do next. That in and of itself is enough to almost send him into a tailspin of panic; he _always_ knows what to do and in those rare moments when he doesn't, Sheppard takes up the slack.

They're so doomed.


End file.
